Well my birthday was a few days ago which meant it is the mark of a 'New Year' for me. I know many people start the 'New Year' on January 1st but I like to start on my birthday. It may sound weird but if you think about it, it really isn't. I think about all of the things that I have learned in that year where as on January 1st I'm thinkin about things I'm not going to eat and how I'm going to actually gain a few pounds. I know that sounds crazy because most people are trying to shed a few pounds. So it's really all about emotional, mental and spiritual growth.
My New Year resolution is to be a better me and to get rid of habits that are holding me back. But the most important resolution for me is to stop putting my dreams and idea on hold and to believe in them more. I have a habit of starting something and believing in it and then as I work on the idea and towards the dream, I begin to doubt myself.
I wonder why I doubt myself when the idea and dream are something that I've done in the past and was successful with. I think I begin to compare myself to others and then that's when the doubt sets in. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others but sometimes you can't help it. I need to start comparing and competing with the old version of myself.
I need to think about what I can do for myself to make the new better than the old me. What did I learn from the old me that I can use to help the new me move forward and continue to move forward. I now have 360 days to figure it out and in those same days believe in not only my ideas but in me.
So here I go 5 days into my New Year and Im ready to go...at least I think so..:)
Wednesday
Skin Orgasm
Ummm, yeah no but it's one of the 11 orgasms we should or have experienced.
This orgasm can be brought about by massaging certain areas of female body that are not directly connected to the sexual nervous system. Examples include orgasms experienced by many women during sensual massages.
This orgasm can be brought about by massaging certain areas of female body that are not directly connected to the sexual nervous system. Examples include orgasms experienced by many women during sensual massages.
Tuesday
Mental Orgasm
This kind of female orgasm can happen during visual and auditory stimulation. Examples of such stimulation are movies, videos, or sexual behavior exhibited in front of others. Women become so turned on that they can actually experience an orgasm from the excitement alone.
Do this: Lay down and turn on a porn or keep the room quiet. Close your eyes and focus on the sounds envision what you think is happening and pretend it is happening to you. Imagine the scenario that you want, let your mind completely take over. Flex your kegal muscles. This takes time and full concentration.
Monday
Oral Orgasm
The Oral Orgasm, one of the best orgasms if done right.
This orgasm can be experienced by women who are very sensitive orally. The mouth plays a big role in the sexual nervous system. The mouth orgasm can take place during any sensual oral activity such as kissing, licking, sucking, or performing oral sex. Many women describe the excitement as beginning in their lips and then spreading from the mouth to the genitals and all over the body.
YES you can achieve orgasm while giving head. Every mans dream
Sunday
The Breast Orgasm
I have never had this orgasm but I know that when they are touched the right way they help me get there.
This kind of female orgasm occurs during a peak of stimulation to the breasts. The nipples connect to nerves in the female genitals and many women feel a direct connection with their clitoris when their nipples are stimulated. Many women feel increased sexual excitement when their nipples are stimulated but not all of them can experience the breast orgasm. This depends very much on how sensitive their nipples are.
This kind of female orgasm occurs during a peak of stimulation to the breasts. The nipples connect to nerves in the female genitals and many women feel a direct connection with their clitoris when their nipples are stimulated. Many women feel increased sexual excitement when their nipples are stimulated but not all of them can experience the breast orgasm. This depends very much on how sensitive their nipples are.
Saturday
Deep Spot Orgasm
The Deep Spot Orgasm (The Posterior Fornix Orgasm). Can you imagine talking to your girlfriend and tell her how you had a Posterior Fornix orgasm the night before? No yeah me either. I can't even imagine myself saying I had a Deep Spot orgasm either.
This kind of female orgasm is achieved by stimulating the area located almost all the way back in the deepest part of the back wall of the vagina, just before the cervix. Direct stimulation of the Deep Spot can cause very intense orgasms. Some women may feel as if they are having anal sex. This particular area is not widely known, so very few women have ever experienced those sensations.
This kind of female orgasm can be given with a hand, using “Come Hither” motions. Use both long and short strokes, and you can even use two fingers if you like.
Note: first find out what kind of feeling your partner has when you touch her cervix. Some women enjoy it a lot, and some do not like it at all.
This kind of female orgasm is achieved by stimulating the area located almost all the way back in the deepest part of the back wall of the vagina, just before the cervix. Direct stimulation of the Deep Spot can cause very intense orgasms. Some women may feel as if they are having anal sex. This particular area is not widely known, so very few women have ever experienced those sensations.
This kind of female orgasm can be given with a hand, using “Come Hither” motions. Use both long and short strokes, and you can even use two fingers if you like.
Note: first find out what kind of feeling your partner has when you touch her cervix. Some women enjoy it a lot, and some do not like it at all.
Friday
U-Spot Orgasm
A, G, S and now the U-Spot Orgasm.
This kind of female orgasm comes from the stimulation of a small area of sensitive erectile tissue located just above and on either side of the urethral opening. It is in the small area between the urethra and the vagina. If this region is gently caressed with the finger, the tongue, or the tip of the penis, there is a powerful erotic response. You stimulate this area the same way you treat the clitoris.
Almost every woman can achieve the orgasms above but there are more. These are less common and a woman’s sexuality is key to achieve these.
This kind of female orgasm comes from the stimulation of a small area of sensitive erectile tissue located just above and on either side of the urethral opening. It is in the small area between the urethra and the vagina. If this region is gently caressed with the finger, the tongue, or the tip of the penis, there is a powerful erotic response. You stimulate this area the same way you treat the clitoris.
Almost every woman can achieve the orgasms above but there are more. These are less common and a woman’s sexuality is key to achieve these.
Thursday
A-Spot Orgasm
Next orgasm up, the A–Spot Orgasm (The Anterior Fornix Orgasm). Yeah I think I'd refer to it as the A-Spot as well, Anterior Fornix is a bit much.
This kind of female orgasm is achieved by stimulation of an area deep in the vagina (about 4-5inches) on the front wall. It is the same wall where the G-Spot is situated. In other words, this is a patch of sensitive tissue at the inner front end of the vaginal tube, between the cervix and the bladder.After an orgasm, the A-Spot does not become too sensitive, and you can easily continue stimulation, bringing your partner to new heights of pleasure, this is why women are able to achieve multiple orgasms.
Many women find the feeling incredibly pleasurable, while some may not like it at all. Keep this in mind when experimenting.
How is this orgasm given:
Basic missionary position, where a man is short-thrusting very deeply during intercourse.
With a hand. Use the same technique you use for stimulating the G-Spot, but in this case, go as deep as your fingers can reach. Simply said, you just try to “scoop it out” with your middle finger.
Many women describe this orgasm as a kind of soft electricity bringing them to a sharp, erotic climax. A few women find this orgasm very similar to the G-spot, while some find it closer to an extremely strong vaginal orgasm.
This kind of female orgasm is achieved by stimulation of an area deep in the vagina (about 4-5inches) on the front wall. It is the same wall where the G-Spot is situated. In other words, this is a patch of sensitive tissue at the inner front end of the vaginal tube, between the cervix and the bladder.After an orgasm, the A-Spot does not become too sensitive, and you can easily continue stimulation, bringing your partner to new heights of pleasure, this is why women are able to achieve multiple orgasms.
Many women find the feeling incredibly pleasurable, while some may not like it at all. Keep this in mind when experimenting.
How is this orgasm given:
Basic missionary position, where a man is short-thrusting very deeply during intercourse.
With a hand. Use the same technique you use for stimulating the G-Spot, but in this case, go as deep as your fingers can reach. Simply said, you just try to “scoop it out” with your middle finger.
Many women describe this orgasm as a kind of soft electricity bringing them to a sharp, erotic climax. A few women find this orgasm very similar to the G-spot, while some find it closer to an extremely strong vaginal orgasm.
Tuesday
S Orgasm
I didn't want to put the actual name as the title. But the next orgasm is called the Squirting Orgasm (Female Ejaculation).
This kind of female orgasm is so profound that it deserves a book of its own. It’s mysterious and not a lot of women achieve this in their lifetime. Female ejaculation is generally achieved by stimulating the G-spot, which is considered an erotic zone located internally, at the front of the vagina. This area is intimately connected with the urethra. Indeed, pressure on the G-spot area will invariably produce a desire to pee. A woman has to be EXTREMELY comfortable with her partner or with herself in order for this to be achieved. This kind of female orgasm builds a very deep bond between a woman and her partner. This is the most intimate and delightful thing your woman can share with you.
In short, this powerful orgasm is achieved by using ancient Tantric techniques. It releases negative emotions and fills a woman with light, euphoric energy and a feeling of fulfillment and peace. Squirting makes other kinds of female orgasms look pale in comparison.
Note for single women: if you don’t have a partner or just want to experience this kind of orgasm on your own, here is the good news … it is perfectly possible !
This kind of female orgasm is so profound that it deserves a book of its own. It’s mysterious and not a lot of women achieve this in their lifetime. Female ejaculation is generally achieved by stimulating the G-spot, which is considered an erotic zone located internally, at the front of the vagina. This area is intimately connected with the urethra. Indeed, pressure on the G-spot area will invariably produce a desire to pee. A woman has to be EXTREMELY comfortable with her partner or with herself in order for this to be achieved. This kind of female orgasm builds a very deep bond between a woman and her partner. This is the most intimate and delightful thing your woman can share with you.
In short, this powerful orgasm is achieved by using ancient Tantric techniques. It releases negative emotions and fills a woman with light, euphoric energy and a feeling of fulfillment and peace. Squirting makes other kinds of female orgasms look pale in comparison.
Note for single women: if you don’t have a partner or just want to experience this kind of orgasm on your own, here is the good news … it is perfectly possible !
G-Spot Orgasm
The third type of orgasm on the list, the G-Spot Orgasm.
This orgasm begins in the G-Spot(which is located 2-3 inches in the vagina) and may stay there while climaxing or it may powerfully explode through the whole body (I like to call this the leg shaker). This spot feels different in texture than the rest of the vagina. It is spongy and coarser in texture than the rest of the vagina, which is normally how it is found. During sexual arousal, the tissue surrounding the urethra becomes engorged with blood and the Para-urethral / Skenes glands produce and fill with prostatic fluid. In fact, this process is very similar to male arousal. As a result, the urethral sponge becomes “erect,” and if you touch it, it feels firm. In other words, this is a kind of female hard-on.
How to reach it:
There are different ways of stimulating the G-Spot. Rhythmic pushing or circular friction movements are the best for achieving this kind of orgasm. One position that is good for reaching this sexual peak is from the back or fingering.
This orgasm may also lead to female ejaculation (see the next section on squirting).
How does this kind of female orgasm feel to a woman ?
This kind of female orgasm takes some time to build( again 20-25 minutes) Many women describe it as a very special, deeply sensual pleasure, which builds until their whole lower stomach and pelvic area explodes. Often, they are carried away for quite some time by the powerful wave of euphoric energy and don’t even realize where they are and what is going on around them (I like to call this one the leg shaker).
This orgasm begins in the G-Spot(which is located 2-3 inches in the vagina) and may stay there while climaxing or it may powerfully explode through the whole body (I like to call this the leg shaker). This spot feels different in texture than the rest of the vagina. It is spongy and coarser in texture than the rest of the vagina, which is normally how it is found. During sexual arousal, the tissue surrounding the urethra becomes engorged with blood and the Para-urethral / Skenes glands produce and fill with prostatic fluid. In fact, this process is very similar to male arousal. As a result, the urethral sponge becomes “erect,” and if you touch it, it feels firm. In other words, this is a kind of female hard-on.
How to reach it:
There are different ways of stimulating the G-Spot. Rhythmic pushing or circular friction movements are the best for achieving this kind of orgasm. One position that is good for reaching this sexual peak is from the back or fingering.
This orgasm may also lead to female ejaculation (see the next section on squirting).
How does this kind of female orgasm feel to a woman ?
This kind of female orgasm takes some time to build( again 20-25 minutes) Many women describe it as a very special, deeply sensual pleasure, which builds until their whole lower stomach and pelvic area explodes. Often, they are carried away for quite some time by the powerful wave of euphoric energy and don’t even realize where they are and what is going on around them (I like to call this one the leg shaker).
Friday
The Vaginal Orgasm
Here's the 2nd type of orgasm that us women should have already experienced in our sexual sex life so far.
The Vaginal Orgasm:
This kind of female orgasm begins in the vagina and either stays focused in the pelvic and lower stomach areas, or spreads from there. The uterus, pelvic muscles, and even anus may begin to contract during this orgasm. Those contractions are quite strong and may actually push out anything that was stimulating the vagina. This kind of orgasm takes longer to achieve (it takes a woman on average 20-25 mins to achieve this kind of orgasm) Rhythmic thrusting is often the best way to get her there, a good lover will communicate with his woman and find out the best position for her to reach it.
The Vaginal Orgasm:
This kind of female orgasm begins in the vagina and either stays focused in the pelvic and lower stomach areas, or spreads from there. The uterus, pelvic muscles, and even anus may begin to contract during this orgasm. Those contractions are quite strong and may actually push out anything that was stimulating the vagina. This kind of orgasm takes longer to achieve (it takes a woman on average 20-25 mins to achieve this kind of orgasm) Rhythmic thrusting is often the best way to get her there, a good lover will communicate with his woman and find out the best position for her to reach it.
Thursday
Clitoral Orgasm
This is the first and most common orgasm. I think most of us women can say that we have at some point experienced this type of orgasm.
Below is the definition and how it can be given and how it feels.
The Clitoral Orgasm:
This orgasm is the most common and is the result of clitoral stimulation. Intensely pleasurable feelings start within the clitoris and send waves of pleasure throughout the body.The clitoris is the most sensitive area on the female body, being one of the most nerve rich. If you are a guy, imagine ALL the nerve endings in the penis poured into one small area about the size of a pea.The clitoris is so important to receiving pleasure that sexual arousal is always felt there on some level. That is why the clitoris is so responsive to certain kinds of touch.
This kind of female orgasm can be given:
Orally.
Fingers: masturbation
How does this orgasm feel to a woman ?
A clitoral orgasm can be very intense, but many women describe it as “less deep” than others. Nevertheless, it is extremely pleasurable, and good clitoral stimulation adds a lot to your sex life and helps her “warm up” and prepare for penetration.
Below is the definition and how it can be given and how it feels.
The Clitoral Orgasm:
This orgasm is the most common and is the result of clitoral stimulation. Intensely pleasurable feelings start within the clitoris and send waves of pleasure throughout the body.The clitoris is the most sensitive area on the female body, being one of the most nerve rich. If you are a guy, imagine ALL the nerve endings in the penis poured into one small area about the size of a pea.The clitoris is so important to receiving pleasure that sexual arousal is always felt there on some level. That is why the clitoris is so responsive to certain kinds of touch.
This kind of female orgasm can be given:
Orally.
Fingers: masturbation
How does this orgasm feel to a woman ?
A clitoral orgasm can be very intense, but many women describe it as “less deep” than others. Nevertheless, it is extremely pleasurable, and good clitoral stimulation adds a lot to your sex life and helps her “warm up” and prepare for penetration.
Wednesday
Orgasms
So I as prepare to do another draft of my next book I did a little research. Come to find out there are 11 types of orgasms that us women can experience. Apparently I've only experienced 3 in my sexual lifetime.
Now with that being said for the next 11 days I will blog about these orgasms. This is just a little note to inform you. I'm not even gonna name them in this blog, the next 11 blog titles will be the type of orgasm. But ladies could you believe that 11 orgasms?
Yes my next book will include these orgasms. Next book is going to be as erotic as I can possibly get and short stories. One character and her sexual experience as told by her and another. Hmmm now who is the other? All the more reason for you to anticipate and want to get the book.
Now with that being said for the next 11 days I will blog about these orgasms. This is just a little note to inform you. I'm not even gonna name them in this blog, the next 11 blog titles will be the type of orgasm. But ladies could you believe that 11 orgasms?
Yes my next book will include these orgasms. Next book is going to be as erotic as I can possibly get and short stories. One character and her sexual experience as told by her and another. Hmmm now who is the other? All the more reason for you to anticipate and want to get the book.
Tuesday
Interior Writing Conversation
"Now where should I begin?"
"Let's see. Maybe I should get organized first then figure out what to write."
"No wait let me check my email first, then Facebook and then I will write."
Now that that is done, let me figure out if I want to work on The Tales or Dreamlover."
"No I will blog which will get my juices flowing then I will write."
"Oh I have an idea for something to work on next, so let me write down that idea then work on whatever it is that I'm going to work on."
"You know what I'm gonna sleep on it and see what the dream says to work on as far as novels go. So I'm gonna work on this script and tomorrow I will work on whichever novel comes to me in my dream. Yeah that makes sense to me."
I then go through the flash drives to see what is on what and which one has nothing on it.
This is the above interior conversation I have before I begin to work on something that I am writing. This just so happens to be a night time interior writing conversation. 642 Things To Write About...
"Let's see. Maybe I should get organized first then figure out what to write."
"No wait let me check my email first, then Facebook and then I will write."
Now that that is done, let me figure out if I want to work on The Tales or Dreamlover."
"No I will blog which will get my juices flowing then I will write."
"Oh I have an idea for something to work on next, so let me write down that idea then work on whatever it is that I'm going to work on."
"You know what I'm gonna sleep on it and see what the dream says to work on as far as novels go. So I'm gonna work on this script and tomorrow I will work on whichever novel comes to me in my dream. Yeah that makes sense to me."
I then go through the flash drives to see what is on what and which one has nothing on it.
This is the above interior conversation I have before I begin to work on something that I am writing. This just so happens to be a night time interior writing conversation. 642 Things To Write About...
Monday
I Don't Know What You Take Me For
I don't know what you take me for but I'm no fool. You can't just tell me anything and expect me to believe what you say. I need you to back up your talk with some action. I need for you to be about it, you know?! I can be a little on the crazy side but not that crazy. I don't know what you expect from me but you may not get a response but a look. A look says a lot, especially from me. Could be good and well it could mean for you to get the heck up out my face.
I don't know what you take me for but I'm always down for some fun. Even though I am the mother of two, every now and then I like to have a little fun. I do have one limitation, make sure the weather is nice because I can't stand the cold. I like meeting new people. I'm not timid but at times I can be a little shy but once I get comfortable in any given environment, I can be a hoot(lol).
I'm far from mean and the nicest person you can meet. I'm caring and giving but just don't take advantage of that. I'm a friend until I can't be anymore. What determines the end of my friendship? I like the three strike rule. After your first two strikes you have to play it right but after that third strike, I'm done and the friendship is over. How do you know it's over? When I no longer pick up the phone when you call or just don't return your calls. If you see me, I will say hello and keep on moving.
I don't know what you take me for but hey I know who I am and that's all that matters.
*642 Things To Write About....I had to put my iPod on shuffle and write down the line of the first song that comes on, and use it as an opening line. The song, This Is 50 by 50 Cent off The Massacre, the first line, "I don't know what you take me for.....
I don't know what you take me for but I'm always down for some fun. Even though I am the mother of two, every now and then I like to have a little fun. I do have one limitation, make sure the weather is nice because I can't stand the cold. I like meeting new people. I'm not timid but at times I can be a little shy but once I get comfortable in any given environment, I can be a hoot(lol).
I'm far from mean and the nicest person you can meet. I'm caring and giving but just don't take advantage of that. I'm a friend until I can't be anymore. What determines the end of my friendship? I like the three strike rule. After your first two strikes you have to play it right but after that third strike, I'm done and the friendship is over. How do you know it's over? When I no longer pick up the phone when you call or just don't return your calls. If you see me, I will say hello and keep on moving.
I don't know what you take me for but hey I know who I am and that's all that matters.
*642 Things To Write About....I had to put my iPod on shuffle and write down the line of the first song that comes on, and use it as an opening line. The song, This Is 50 by 50 Cent off The Massacre, the first line, "I don't know what you take me for.....
Friday
Third Person
When you see Arnittress there are two questions that come to mind. The first, is/has she ever modeled and the second, did she or does she play basketball? You would ask her those two questions because she is very tall and slim. She is about six feet tall and again slim. Arnittress is one of those people who can eat anything and not put on a pound. Arnittress is a caramel complexion with a round face, big brown eyes. She has short reddish brown hair, closely shaven in the back and gets longer as you go to the front.
Her attitude well, she's a sweet smart-ass. Arnittress doesn't mean to be sarcastic it's just something that comes with ease. When it comes to family and friends as much as she would love to say no to them, she doesn't. She's there with a shoulder ready to cry on and a ear ready to listen. Arnittress takes the word 'friendship' very seriously. She's like the Chucky doll, she's a friend to the very end.
Arnittress is Arnittress, you either love her or like her.
642 Things To Write About.....Describe me in 3rd person..
Her attitude well, she's a sweet smart-ass. Arnittress doesn't mean to be sarcastic it's just something that comes with ease. When it comes to family and friends as much as she would love to say no to them, she doesn't. She's there with a shoulder ready to cry on and a ear ready to listen. Arnittress takes the word 'friendship' very seriously. She's like the Chucky doll, she's a friend to the very end.
Arnittress is Arnittress, you either love her or like her.
642 Things To Write About.....Describe me in 3rd person..
Thursday
What A Day
Today was one of those days. It started off going good but then took a turn for the not so good. Today is the day that I grocery shop. Today would have been the first day that I see how this day all works out with an appointment scheduled in but it didn't go that way.
My five year old gets on the bus at 7;43 and my three year old has to be at daycare at 9, no earlier. My oldest normally likes to walk to the bus-stop and cried when I told him to get into the car. Good thing because by the time we made it down the street, it began to rain. As soon as I parked the car, the bus was coming down the hill. I put him on the bus and got back into the car. When I do the grocery shopping I normally go to Target and then Costco. The three year old and I made it to Target before it opened and by this time it was pouring. When the doors opened at 8, we were in and out by 8:30. After I put my three year old in the car and the groceries in the trunk, we were off to drop him off and he was on time and the rain stopped. I then went home to put away the groceries and get ready for a 10:00 appointment.
At exactly 9:45, the home phone rings and I see that it is my five year olds school. I answer and I have bring another set of clothes. I get into my car and speed to his school. I call my appointment and tell them that I am running five to ten minutes late. It wasn't going to be a problem since I had until fifteen after the hour to get there. I leave the car running and run inside the school to the office to give them the change of clothes. My lil guy is in the office crying and I find out that there is more to the story. I change his clothes and sign him out. He would have been getting ready to get on the bus anyway so.....
By the time we get in the car and get moving the rain starts again along with some wind. He and I head to Costco and we are in and out. I have to make another run to Target. We get home and I put away the things that we picked up at Costco. When that's all done, we go to pick up the three year old who always seems to want a donut when we pick him up. There was no rain going but on the way home there was a whole lot of rain coming down. I notice that on the ride home it is very quiet in the back. The first stop light, I turn to see that they are both asleep.
When we get home the rain is coming down hard so we sit in the car until the rain eases up. Well they sleep and I check out videos and status updates on my Facebook newsfeed. The rain finally eases up and it's pure hell trying to wake them up and get them out of the car but I do. We get inside, I make them their lunch, do a load of laundry and clean up a mess that they made, make sure the five year old does his homework correctly. Try to relax but never do.
And to top it all off, today began "that time of the month" for me so you know momma wasn't really feeling this day at all. Oh what a freakin day!!!
My five year old gets on the bus at 7;43 and my three year old has to be at daycare at 9, no earlier. My oldest normally likes to walk to the bus-stop and cried when I told him to get into the car. Good thing because by the time we made it down the street, it began to rain. As soon as I parked the car, the bus was coming down the hill. I put him on the bus and got back into the car. When I do the grocery shopping I normally go to Target and then Costco. The three year old and I made it to Target before it opened and by this time it was pouring. When the doors opened at 8, we were in and out by 8:30. After I put my three year old in the car and the groceries in the trunk, we were off to drop him off and he was on time and the rain stopped. I then went home to put away the groceries and get ready for a 10:00 appointment.
At exactly 9:45, the home phone rings and I see that it is my five year olds school. I answer and I have bring another set of clothes. I get into my car and speed to his school. I call my appointment and tell them that I am running five to ten minutes late. It wasn't going to be a problem since I had until fifteen after the hour to get there. I leave the car running and run inside the school to the office to give them the change of clothes. My lil guy is in the office crying and I find out that there is more to the story. I change his clothes and sign him out. He would have been getting ready to get on the bus anyway so.....
By the time we get in the car and get moving the rain starts again along with some wind. He and I head to Costco and we are in and out. I have to make another run to Target. We get home and I put away the things that we picked up at Costco. When that's all done, we go to pick up the three year old who always seems to want a donut when we pick him up. There was no rain going but on the way home there was a whole lot of rain coming down. I notice that on the ride home it is very quiet in the back. The first stop light, I turn to see that they are both asleep.
When we get home the rain is coming down hard so we sit in the car until the rain eases up. Well they sleep and I check out videos and status updates on my Facebook newsfeed. The rain finally eases up and it's pure hell trying to wake them up and get them out of the car but I do. We get inside, I make them their lunch, do a load of laundry and clean up a mess that they made, make sure the five year old does his homework correctly. Try to relax but never do.
And to top it all off, today began "that time of the month" for me so you know momma wasn't really feeling this day at all. Oh what a freakin day!!!
Wednesday
A Beginner's Guide To Skipping Out Of Work
Now there have been days when you haven't worked and the day was such a beautiful day and you probably did whatever it was that you wanted to. I'm also sure that there were days when you were unemployed and wanted to sleep in and you did. Now you are employed and can't enjoy the beautiful day and can't sleep in, so what do you do? Here are a few tips that may work in your favor if you execute them correctly.
Let's say that you have a friend who has the day off and wants to go into the city(you don't work in the city) and wants to you to go with her. It's going to be a lovely day and she has it all planned out, a little shopping, pampering and topped off with dinner and drinks.
1. You get to work an hour early on that day looking crazy, like you were up all night. When a co-worker/boss asks you what's wrong you simply say that a relative stayed over and was very sick and you were up all night cleaning vomit. It was early you decided to get dressed and come in since they seemed to be okay but you told them to call you just in case they needed you.
2. An hour-hour and a half after you are supposed to be at work, pick up your cellphone(make sure it is off) and frantically grab your things. Say things like "ok, are you sure? you need me to take you?" make it believable. Run into your bosses office or whoever's in charge and tell them about your sick relative again and you will call when you get to the HOSPITAL. An hour after you leave and every hour after until it's time for you to get off but by then someone should have already said, "we will see you tomorrow" but if they haven't, give your job a call, you are still in the hospital.
For the day that you are at work and you are extremely tired. The one thing that works without a doubt, a migraine.
1. If you have a dark pair of sunglasses put them on, every now and then put your head down.
2. Go to the break-room if you have one and cut the lights out and when someone walks in and they ask what's wrong, tell them you have a migraine and the lights are hurting your eyes. A few tears make it even better.
3. Return to your desk, close the blinds if you sit next to a window, still wearing your shades, every now and then put your head down. If there is someone at your job that knows what a migraine feels like, they will encourage you to go home.
Again these will only work if they are executed correctly.
Another one from the 642 things to write about.
Let's say that you have a friend who has the day off and wants to go into the city(you don't work in the city) and wants to you to go with her. It's going to be a lovely day and she has it all planned out, a little shopping, pampering and topped off with dinner and drinks.
1. You get to work an hour early on that day looking crazy, like you were up all night. When a co-worker/boss asks you what's wrong you simply say that a relative stayed over and was very sick and you were up all night cleaning vomit. It was early you decided to get dressed and come in since they seemed to be okay but you told them to call you just in case they needed you.
2. An hour-hour and a half after you are supposed to be at work, pick up your cellphone(make sure it is off) and frantically grab your things. Say things like "ok, are you sure? you need me to take you?" make it believable. Run into your bosses office or whoever's in charge and tell them about your sick relative again and you will call when you get to the HOSPITAL. An hour after you leave and every hour after until it's time for you to get off but by then someone should have already said, "we will see you tomorrow" but if they haven't, give your job a call, you are still in the hospital.
For the day that you are at work and you are extremely tired. The one thing that works without a doubt, a migraine.
1. If you have a dark pair of sunglasses put them on, every now and then put your head down.
2. Go to the break-room if you have one and cut the lights out and when someone walks in and they ask what's wrong, tell them you have a migraine and the lights are hurting your eyes. A few tears make it even better.
3. Return to your desk, close the blinds if you sit next to a window, still wearing your shades, every now and then put your head down. If there is someone at your job that knows what a migraine feels like, they will encourage you to go home.
Again these will only work if they are executed correctly.
Another one from the 642 things to write about.
Tuesday
Word of the Day
Andy couldn't believe that he was now in this position. For many years he had seen his father fight for change, he was there by his father's side fighting for what was right. As a teenager he knew that when he went to college his major was going to be Political Science. He knew that one day he was going to be just like his father. The day finally came.
As his campaign party entered the room he didn't know what to expect. As he stood at the podium and looked around, some of the faces were new and some were old. The one face that was the most familiar was his father's. His father gave him the it's going to be just fine, so relax smile. Once everyone was seated and their attention was on him, he began.
"I would like to thank everyone in here. I know some of you and I look forward to getting to know those who I don't know. The next few months are going to be tough but if we stick together and fight for what's right not only for the community but our town, I believe that we can win this election together. I am aware that we are still having problems in our school district so that is going to be our first concern. Our second concern is bringing the community together so that we can work together." He saw that someone had their hand raised. "Yes, sir you have a question?"
"Are you going to be your father's redux?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"Because those were the same things that he was fighting for."
"I don't take anything away from my father but I am not his redux. He fought for change and now I am fighting for improvement. There's difference and once we begin campaigning you well see the difference between my father and I. Also I have my own identity and my own voice."
Another one from 642 Things to write about. Today's was write a story using today's word of the day which was, Redux: brought back..
As his campaign party entered the room he didn't know what to expect. As he stood at the podium and looked around, some of the faces were new and some were old. The one face that was the most familiar was his father's. His father gave him the it's going to be just fine, so relax smile. Once everyone was seated and their attention was on him, he began.
"I would like to thank everyone in here. I know some of you and I look forward to getting to know those who I don't know. The next few months are going to be tough but if we stick together and fight for what's right not only for the community but our town, I believe that we can win this election together. I am aware that we are still having problems in our school district so that is going to be our first concern. Our second concern is bringing the community together so that we can work together." He saw that someone had their hand raised. "Yes, sir you have a question?"
"Are you going to be your father's redux?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"Because those were the same things that he was fighting for."
"I don't take anything away from my father but I am not his redux. He fought for change and now I am fighting for improvement. There's difference and once we begin campaigning you well see the difference between my father and I. Also I have my own identity and my own voice."
Another one from 642 Things to write about. Today's was write a story using today's word of the day which was, Redux: brought back..
Monday
Another Year
These last few weeks have been very busy. I've gotten to things that I wanted to do as well as help others get what they need done. Now I am back on my grind to get where I need to be. Technically the New Year begins on Jan 1, my New Year begins on Nov. 14. Yes that is my birthday and I always try to set a goal on that day for the following year. It's really a New Year for me since I am another year wiser and I've become better at something.
So for this coming year I have a goal set and I am determined to accomplish this goal. I will share the process of completing this goal and of course the outcome.
These last few weeks I will prepare and since my birthday falls on a Friday, most likely I will be enjoying the weekend relaxing or even writing my New Year Resolution. Who knows but for the time being, I get ready and get prepared.
So for this coming year I have a goal set and I am determined to accomplish this goal. I will share the process of completing this goal and of course the outcome.
These last few weeks I will prepare and since my birthday falls on a Friday, most likely I will be enjoying the weekend relaxing or even writing my New Year Resolution. Who knows but for the time being, I get ready and get prepared.
Friday
What Should I Do?
What should I do?
Should I continue to wallow
in complete sorrow?
Should I take that chance
and have a second glance?
Should I continue to
love you and still feel blue?
Should I complete this chapter
of you and take on anew?
Should I change my life
and be that trife?
Please tell me what should I do?
Should I end my sorrow and
still take that chance without having
a second glance?
Should I stop loving you
and never feel blue?
Should I still complete this
chapter of you
and still take on anew?
Should I keep my life
and never be trife?
Please tell me what should I do?
Thursday
What Do You See?
Look into my eyes
Honestly tell me, what you see?
Are you looking deep?
Am I someone you can keep?
Look into my eyes
Honestly tell me what you see?
Do you see someone who can be
Mistaken for a fool?
Do you see someone who can
honestly love you and only you?
Or do you see someone who will
Hurt your heart and run?
Do you see someone who is going to be
there thru good and bad times?
Do you see someone who’ll just leave
when things get bad?
Look into my eyes
Honestly tell me what you see?
Wednesday
New Book
I've been so motivated as a writer that I am thirteen chapters into my next book. I get these spurts and I write and can't stop. When writing I hand write then I type so that's a whole lot of writing that I've been doing. As I continue to write I change things and then have to go back and change something in a previous chapter. I orginally started in order but now I find my self starting a new chapter without having it numbered yet because I don't know which number it's going to be. I'm somewhere in the middle working backwards and then I will have to go forward to get to then end. Well actually I think that the end is coming in my head now. So on that note let me doing something that's gonna help me get the writing juices flowing. And that would be cleaning up my kids mess so that I cansit in peace and write for a litte bit.
Tuesday
The Scene
As Lynn and Jen sat on the bench in the park they couldn't help but to notice all of the joggers jogging, mothers pushing strollers speed walking and couples holding hands strolling through the park. Lynn then spotted a nicely tanned man who could have been between 6'2"-6'4". He had faux Mohawk, shirtless and a well defined six pack. Lynn could see the sweat glisten on his body as he got closer. Jen saw the look on Lynn's face and then turned to see what she was looking at.
"Umm?" Said Jen.
"Uh-huh and mm-mmm." Replied Lynn.
"Urrrr urrrr urrrr urrrr."
"Uh-huh."
He stopped in front of them.
"Urrr ummm." Jen said to the sweaty man.
"Mm-mmm." He said locking eyes with Jen.
"Ummm, uh-huh." Lynn said.
"Um uh-huh urrr." He said to her. He took a seat in between them and leaned down to tie his sneaker. Lynn and Jen looked at each other smiling. "So uh-huh um urrr mm-mmm."
"Uh-huh." Lynn quickly said.
"Ummmm uh-huh mm-mmm." Said Jen.
He took off his arm band and pulled out his cell phone and turned to Jen so that he could get her number. "Mm-mmm uh-huh."
"Mmm mm mm um um um um."
"Mm-mmm, urr uh-huh." He got up and jogged off.
*This is from my book of 642 Things to Write About. This was my scene and I could only use "Um, Uh-huh, Urrr and Mm-mmm" for my dialogue.
"Umm?" Said Jen.
"Uh-huh and mm-mmm." Replied Lynn.
"Urrrr urrrr urrrr urrrr."
"Uh-huh."
He stopped in front of them.
"Urrr ummm." Jen said to the sweaty man.
"Mm-mmm." He said locking eyes with Jen.
"Ummm, uh-huh." Lynn said.
"Um uh-huh urrr." He said to her. He took a seat in between them and leaned down to tie his sneaker. Lynn and Jen looked at each other smiling. "So uh-huh um urrr mm-mmm."
"Uh-huh." Lynn quickly said.
"Ummmm uh-huh mm-mmm." Said Jen.
He took off his arm band and pulled out his cell phone and turned to Jen so that he could get her number. "Mm-mmm uh-huh."
"Mmm mm mm um um um um."
"Mm-mmm, urr uh-huh." He got up and jogged off.
*This is from my book of 642 Things to Write About. This was my scene and I could only use "Um, Uh-huh, Urrr and Mm-mmm" for my dialogue.
Monday
The Eye
About a week ago I was doing the laundry and at some point something got into my left eye. It started to itch and water and it wouldn't stop. That night I went to bed and as I sleep it "leaked". When I woke up the next morning I couldn't open up my left eye. It was closed shut. A warm wash cloth was used to get it open. I went to the doctor it was some type of pink eye(non contagious). So as the week progresses my eye is getting back to normal. Now exactly one week after I get "pink eye" I scratch the cornea in the same eye. Yes, I scratched the cornea.
I was with my mom and my boys and we were headed to my great niece's birthday party. My mom drove. As soon as we get on the road I feel something in my eye. I look in the mirror and see that I have an eyelash in my eye. Naturally I pull my top eyelid over my eye hoping that that would do the trick. No. I had to go in my self. After removing the eyelash, it still feels as though there's something still in my eye. I rub and rub and rub. Nothing. I wet a paper towel and put it to my eye. Nothing. I try Visine and that doesn't work either. It gets to a point to where when I blink my eye won't open. I actually have to lift my eyelid in order to open my eye. We leave the party fifteen minutes after we get there.
The first Urgent Care closed at 3. My mom got me to one closer to home and we made it just in time. The doctor draws me a picture of the eye and shows me how I scratched my cornea. Only me. He gives me a prescription and the first CVS we go to, the pharmacy is closed. We make it to one that is open and I get the prescription filled.
Every three hours since Saturday evening I put one drop of the eye drop medicine in my eye. It's getting better but at night I can see but really can't see crap. The eye is truly delicate.
I was with my mom and my boys and we were headed to my great niece's birthday party. My mom drove. As soon as we get on the road I feel something in my eye. I look in the mirror and see that I have an eyelash in my eye. Naturally I pull my top eyelid over my eye hoping that that would do the trick. No. I had to go in my self. After removing the eyelash, it still feels as though there's something still in my eye. I rub and rub and rub. Nothing. I wet a paper towel and put it to my eye. Nothing. I try Visine and that doesn't work either. It gets to a point to where when I blink my eye won't open. I actually have to lift my eyelid in order to open my eye. We leave the party fifteen minutes after we get there.
The first Urgent Care closed at 3. My mom got me to one closer to home and we made it just in time. The doctor draws me a picture of the eye and shows me how I scratched my cornea. Only me. He gives me a prescription and the first CVS we go to, the pharmacy is closed. We make it to one that is open and I get the prescription filled.
Every three hours since Saturday evening I put one drop of the eye drop medicine in my eye. It's getting better but at night I can see but really can't see crap. The eye is truly delicate.
642 Things To Write About
I just recently got a book called, 642 Things To Write About. The title alone tells you what the book is about. It's more like a journal and one each page there is either one or four topics to write about. Along with writing in the journal, I'll be sharing my little stories here. So if you are wondering why I'm writing about something so crazy or out of the blue, now you know. The crazy stories begin tomorrow. So until then....
Friday
Rain
RAIN
Every drop that falls
makes me think of you and all
that we’ve been through.
The good and the bad.
A different drop falls
A different story told.
Rain
It’s always perfect for
when you cry.
Tears and rain mixed
together,
what a beautiful treasure.
To go out and make sweet
Love in
Rain
Brings both pleasure and pain.
Rain
I see your face in
every drop
makes my heart stop.
Rain
A different story in
every drop.
Every drop that falls
makes me think of you and all
that we’ve been through.
The good and the bad.
A different drop falls
A different story told.
Rain
It’s always perfect for
when you cry.
Tears and rain mixed
together,
what a beautiful treasure.
To go out and make sweet
Love in
Rain
Brings both pleasure and pain.
Rain
I see your face in
every drop
makes my heart stop.
Rain
A different story in
every drop.
Thursday
If
If I couldn’t love you now,
would you hate me later?
If today never comes,
would you still show me a brighter tomorrow?
If I never say hello,
would you ever say good-bye?
would you hate me later?
If today never comes,
would you still show me a brighter tomorrow?
If I never say hello,
would you ever say good-bye?
Wednesday
Chances
Ever had a moment you wish that
you could go back to?
I have, I had the chance to care but didn’t.
Had the chance to comfort but couldn’t.
If given that chance back
I would care and comfort.
Ever has a moment you wish that
you could go back to?
I have, I had the chance to hold
but passed it by.
Had the chance to kiss but missed.
Had the chance to love,
but threw it off like a glove.
If given the chance I would
hold, kiss and love.
If given the chance to be alone
with you,
There would be so many things
That I would do.
First I would share my love,
care and comfort you.
Last but not least I would
kiss and do you right.
There have been times when
I’ve had the chance, but never taken it
have I been too scared of not knowing
what may happen?
But if given the chance
I won’t let it pass me by because,
chances are something that
we must all risk and take.
Tuesday
Are You?
Are you ready for my style?
Are you ready for my grace?
Are you ready for my class?
Are you ready for my charm?
Are you ready for my wit?
Are you ready for sarcasm?
Are you ready for my communication?
Are you ready for my smile?
Are you ready for my arms?
Are you ready for my eyes?
Are you ready for my soul?
Are you ready for my sexual appetite?
Are you ready for my love?
Are you ready for me and only me?
Monday
Move Forward
Have you ever been so focused on something that you plan and plan and plan but never move forward? I've been like that for the past seven years. Seven years ago my first novel, Dreamtini was published.
When I started to promote it I got pregnant so I had to put everything regarding Dreamtini on hold. I had to get used to motherhood and doing other things for people. Then once I was able to get back on track I got pregnant again. Now I had to get used to being a mother to two boys.
I got back on track again but there was a problem. Problem was too much time had passed and there was no marketing or promoting done for Dreamtini and it didn't make sense to do the follow-up which was completed. I then started working on other manuscripts that I had started to work on when I found the time to write. Then I began to think to my self, how am I going to pay for marketing and promoting? That is when I started my cupcake business. I then realized that I was passionate about two things, writing and baking.
I began planning and planning for two things. I would get started and then I'd stop. I'd get focused and then my vision would get blurry and I'd call my self taking a break trying to re-focus. Now, I'm so focused. I'm so focused that I've created a vision board that I have as screensavers on my cellphone, ipad and laptop. I have no excuse.
I have gotten rid of notebooks and loose papers that I thought served a purpose but they don't. I've narrowed it down to two clipboards, one for writing and the other for my cupcake business. I have set daily and weekly goals for myself which will move me forward to attaining everything on my vision board.
Have you ever been so focused on something that you plan and begin to move forward?
When I started to promote it I got pregnant so I had to put everything regarding Dreamtini on hold. I had to get used to motherhood and doing other things for people. Then once I was able to get back on track I got pregnant again. Now I had to get used to being a mother to two boys.
I got back on track again but there was a problem. Problem was too much time had passed and there was no marketing or promoting done for Dreamtini and it didn't make sense to do the follow-up which was completed. I then started working on other manuscripts that I had started to work on when I found the time to write. Then I began to think to my self, how am I going to pay for marketing and promoting? That is when I started my cupcake business. I then realized that I was passionate about two things, writing and baking.
I began planning and planning for two things. I would get started and then I'd stop. I'd get focused and then my vision would get blurry and I'd call my self taking a break trying to re-focus. Now, I'm so focused. I'm so focused that I've created a vision board that I have as screensavers on my cellphone, ipad and laptop. I have no excuse.
I have gotten rid of notebooks and loose papers that I thought served a purpose but they don't. I've narrowed it down to two clipboards, one for writing and the other for my cupcake business. I have set daily and weekly goals for myself which will move me forward to attaining everything on my vision board.
Have you ever been so focused on something that you plan and begin to move forward?
Friday
Another Thought
You spend your time time trying
to make others happy,
but do they care if you're even
happy.
You spend your days trying to get
"them" out of your system
yet you're wondering..
were you ever really in their system.
You spend your nites in their arms,
and as you lay there, you think,
is this person here laying in my arms?
You're always honest with a person,
yet you're always wondering if that
person in honest with you.
Thursday
A Thought
You try to hate someone;
yet,
you wind up loving them
even more.
You try to forget
about a person
but every person you met
reminds you of person you're
trying to forget.
And why does it seem
like,
the more you forgive, you still
don't forget; and,
that person stays
in mind, in sight
and
in your heart?
After so long,
you try to love a new,
just to find out that
the love you had for the
other is still there
yet,
you wind up loving them
even more.
You try to forget
about a person
but every person you met
reminds you of person you're
trying to forget.
And why does it seem
like,
the more you forgive, you still
don't forget; and,
that person stays
in mind, in sight
and
in your heart?
After so long,
you try to love a new,
just to find out that
the love you had for the
other is still there
Wednesday
That Feeling
It's funny how you just meet a person and you feel safe.
No matter what's going on in your life at that present time,
The presence of this person makes everything alright.
It's not what comes out of their mouth but it's their presence, strange right?!
You may not see this person for a while but when you do,
Still, everything is alright.
Unexpectedly they come along and you don't know what to do or how to act.
You wanna give in but at the same tine you don't.
It's strange because after a long time of hurt and pain,
This is the first time that your heart and mind agree on something.
Normally your heart says one thing and your mind says the other.
Finally your heart and mind agree and still you don't know what to do.
Do you continue "doing you" or do you reveal your "true self"?
What is one to actually do?
You seek outside advice and it's all the same.
Then you come to realize that if you like what you feel, then be honest.
You may not wanna hear what's about to be heard but then again you
Just might.
You'll never know until you try right?
DAMN, That feeling!
No matter what's going on in your life at that present time,
The presence of this person makes everything alright.
It's not what comes out of their mouth but it's their presence, strange right?!
You may not see this person for a while but when you do,
Still, everything is alright.
Unexpectedly they come along and you don't know what to do or how to act.
You wanna give in but at the same tine you don't.
It's strange because after a long time of hurt and pain,
This is the first time that your heart and mind agree on something.
Normally your heart says one thing and your mind says the other.
Finally your heart and mind agree and still you don't know what to do.
Do you continue "doing you" or do you reveal your "true self"?
What is one to actually do?
You seek outside advice and it's all the same.
Then you come to realize that if you like what you feel, then be honest.
You may not wanna hear what's about to be heard but then again you
Just might.
You'll never know until you try right?
DAMN, That feeling!
Tuesday
Makin The Time
Even if it means that I'm up late to write, then I'm makin the time. If it means me finalizing and prioritizing in the wee hours of the nite, then I'm makin time. If means sitting in the car as my kids sleep in the back to write down an idea, then I'm makin the time. If it means stopping for a quick minute to look up something and I do it, then I'm makin the time? If it makes their future a lil bit better then I made the time.
Monday
I Can't Do It
The title alone sounds like or reminds me of the little train that could do it. I am actually that train that could. We often procrastinate or make excuses to not do something and today I'm making excuses to actually do something. From this day forward I will do all that I can to make my life and my family's life better. I think I've procrastinated for far too long. Well actually I've just been taking baby steps. It is now time to take adult steps. I've realized I've been successful before and there wasn't anything wrong with it. So why not continue to be successful? So on that note, I can do it and I shall do it.
Sunday
New Direction
After a week of feeling inspired, I've decided that I'm headed in a new direction. The new direction will eventually lead me to my original destination. The original destination involved writing and more writing but now this destination has a cupcake business included in there (sorta speak).
As for my writing, I have some things mapped out. I believe some things are already written but just need to be organized. Now that I have a set schedule to stick by I think it will all work out. I'm excited about this new route and I'm happy to have finally been able to stay motivated and focused.
Now for my cupcake business, I have a plan and I'm just gonna stick to it...bottom line.
They say God puts things in your way for a reason. I'm glad he put the many things in my way for a reason. Why? Because they have taught me tolerance, focus, determination.
Everything is gonna be a ok.
As for my writing, I have some things mapped out. I believe some things are already written but just need to be organized. Now that I have a set schedule to stick by I think it will all work out. I'm excited about this new route and I'm happy to have finally been able to stay motivated and focused.
Now for my cupcake business, I have a plan and I'm just gonna stick to it...bottom line.
They say God puts things in your way for a reason. I'm glad he put the many things in my way for a reason. Why? Because they have taught me tolerance, focus, determination.
Everything is gonna be a ok.
Friday
A Lesson From Oprah's Life Class
I know this may sound crazy but whatever....I tune into Oprah's OWN network when she has her Life Class on. I've had a few "aha' moments while taking this class. Last night, I had one hell of an "aha" moment but I found what was being taught to be very much true. I've often discussed my views on friendships and last night's class actually made me feel that my feelings are valid and there are people out there who also share my same view. What I want to share here are some quotes from Iyanla Vanzant. I think that we all can relate to these quotes whether we've been the gossiper, gossipee or the listener.
10 Takeaways from "Terrible Things Women Do To Each Other" They're words of wisdom that could help strengthen, heal and grow the important female relationships in your life.
1. "The way to achieve your own success is to be willing to help somebody else get it."
2. "When you gossip, you hex yourself. Because I guarantee you if you do it, its coming back on you." AHA..so true I see it when people gossip about other people and then they get attitudes when they hear people talking about them..
3. "Comparison is an act of violence against self." AHA.. when we see photos of women with "banging" bodies and we think why can't we have a body like them?
4. "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."
5. "Begin within. If it shows up in your life, it's coming to tell you something about you that you're acting like you don't know. Something about yourself, or your relationship with God."
6. "People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."
7. "Trust yourself enough to know who you can trust."
8. " Men think in headlines; women think in print."
9. "If it's not your story to tell, you don't tell it." AFREAKINMEN!
10. "Gossip is when you have a malice intent or mindless, third-party conversation to someone about someone, something you haven't said to that someone."
10 Takeaways from "Terrible Things Women Do To Each Other" They're words of wisdom that could help strengthen, heal and grow the important female relationships in your life.
1. "The way to achieve your own success is to be willing to help somebody else get it."
2. "When you gossip, you hex yourself. Because I guarantee you if you do it, its coming back on you." AHA..so true I see it when people gossip about other people and then they get attitudes when they hear people talking about them..
3. "Comparison is an act of violence against self." AHA.. when we see photos of women with "banging" bodies and we think why can't we have a body like them?
4. "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."
5. "Begin within. If it shows up in your life, it's coming to tell you something about you that you're acting like you don't know. Something about yourself, or your relationship with God."
6. "People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."
7. "Trust yourself enough to know who you can trust."
8. " Men think in headlines; women think in print."
9. "If it's not your story to tell, you don't tell it." AFREAKINMEN!
10. "Gossip is when you have a malice intent or mindless, third-party conversation to someone about someone, something you haven't said to that someone."
Thursday
Sometimes
Sometimes you can make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
I always ask myself, why do I even stay?
Do I stay because of the sex?
Don’t get me wrong because it is strong.
But I know there has to be another reason.
That reason just doesn’t come to mind.
There are times when I think that this can be real
but that is just something that I feel.
Sometimes you can make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
I ask myself, why do I even stay?
Do I stay because of love?
The love I stay for is my own since I love
all the time and you love only, some of the time.
Sometimes you make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
I always ask myself, why do I even stay?
Do I stay because of the pain?
Not only does it leave me stranded out in the rain
but it leaves my body so drained.
I think that all of this can change but it
all remains the same.
Come to find it’s all just a game.
Sometimes you make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
There are times when I think that this can be real
but that is just something that I feel.
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
I always ask myself, why do I even stay?
Do I stay because of the sex?
Don’t get me wrong because it is strong.
But I know there has to be another reason.
That reason just doesn’t come to mind.
There are times when I think that this can be real
but that is just something that I feel.
Sometimes you can make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
I ask myself, why do I even stay?
Do I stay because of love?
The love I stay for is my own since I love
all the time and you love only, some of the time.
Sometimes you make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
I always ask myself, why do I even stay?
Do I stay because of the pain?
Not only does it leave me stranded out in the rain
but it leaves my body so drained.
I think that all of this can change but it
all remains the same.
Come to find it’s all just a game.
Sometimes you make me feel so good
and at times you make me feel bad.
Inside you make me so soft and at the same
time you make me so hard.
There are times when I think that this can be real
but that is just something that I feel.
Wednesday
Believe
Just when you’ve lost all hope,
all you gotta do is believe.
Let out a scream,
then start to believe in yourself
and all your dreams.
As long as you believe, there’s always
a friend who returns the call
no matter when & how you fall.
As long as you believe,
all dreams & goals can be achieved.
All you got to do is just
BELIEVE.
all you gotta do is believe.
Let out a scream,
then start to believe in yourself
and all your dreams.
As long as you believe, there’s always
a friend who returns the call
no matter when & how you fall.
As long as you believe,
all dreams & goals can be achieved.
All you got to do is just
BELIEVE.
Tuesday
Claim To Fame
Ali is truly the greatest,
he stood up for what he believed and
for what he felt.
It took him awhile to get back on top.
That day finally came
and he reclaimed his fame.
My heart is the greatest,
it gives me life & allows me to love.
It took me a while to understand it,
appreciate it, protect it and love it.
The day has finally come
and now I truly accept it.
For my heart,
it makes me who I AM!!
It is also my claim to fame
he stood up for what he believed and
for what he felt.
It took him awhile to get back on top.
That day finally came
and he reclaimed his fame.
My heart is the greatest,
it gives me life & allows me to love.
It took me a while to understand it,
appreciate it, protect it and love it.
The day has finally come
and now I truly accept it.
For my heart,
it makes me who I AM!!
It is also my claim to fame
Monday
Today
Today is the start of a new week. I will accomplish a lot this week. I will not put anything off. I must schedule and plan accordingly.
Today is the start of a new week. I will not put anything off. I must schedule and plan accordingly. I will accomplish a lot this week.
Today is the start of a new week. I must schedule and plan accordingly. I will accomplish a lot this week. I will not put anything off.
Today is the start of a new week.
Today is the start of a new week. I will not put anything off. I must schedule and plan accordingly. I will accomplish a lot this week.
Today is the start of a new week. I must schedule and plan accordingly. I will accomplish a lot this week. I will not put anything off.
Today is the start of a new week.
Sunday
Hypocrite
People don't see you so they can't talk about you. Then they want to make up things and say that people are talking and when you ask what people all they can say it's people. Yeah okay it's you that's doing all the talking and you wanna make it look like it's other people....As per Ochocinco....CHIL' PLEASE!
You don't want people to know your business yet you can go and speak someone else's business? What sense does that make?
You want to be in the "know" so you take past experiences and/or arguments and make them the "now"...I think not! Since you don't know you just have to make up something just to be relevant...
Again, you don't want people to know your business yet you can go and speak someone elses business? What sense does that make?
You don't want people to know your business yet you can go and speak someone else's business? What sense does that make?
You want to be in the "know" so you take past experiences and/or arguments and make them the "now"...I think not! Since you don't know you just have to make up something just to be relevant...
Again, you don't want people to know your business yet you can go and speak someone elses business? What sense does that make?
Saturday
I Love You But Could Careless
To care for someone can mean to adore them, feed them, tend their wounds. But care can also signify sorrow, as in 'bowed down by cares.' Or anxiety, as in, 'Careful!' Or investment in an outcome, as in 'Who cares?' The word love has no such range of meaning: It's pure acceptance." ~ Martha Beck
Here I go again with my findings in the O Newsletter. I find myself reading a lot of Martha Beck's articles. This one in particular is titled, How To Love By Caring Less. In this article she basically says that you can love someone but not care. You can love someone unconditionally and not care what happens to them. It sounds strange but it's true. It's called detaching attachment. She says the way to go about this is to:
1. Choose a person you love but feel some level of anxiety, anger or sadness;
2. Identify what this person must change to make you happy ( If loved one) would only (want this person to change), then I could feel ( how you would feel if the change occurred);
3. Accept a Radical Reality(scratch the first clause of the sentence...I could feel (how you would feel) Last sentence is the truth, accept that it is possible; and
4. Shift your focus from controlling your loved one's behavior to creating your own happiness.
After reading this article I actually felt relieved only because this is how I feel towards certain people in my life. In the beginning it was hard to accept how these people in my life were and it truly bothered me. Then I had my first son and after having him I began to re-evaluate my life and my feelings towards other people. I realized that my happiness was more important than anything and if I wanted to be the best parent that I could be then, that meant I had to be happy and positive. "Sanity begins the moment you admit you're powerless over other people." That's when I said to my self that people aren't going to change and I would have to accept it and move on. If they were negative factors in my life then I could either distance myself from them speaking to them on occasion or just love them and let go. And so far it's working. Like I said before after reading this article I felt relieved because I thought I was wrong for feeling the way that I do but now I feel much better.
Here I go again with my findings in the O Newsletter. I find myself reading a lot of Martha Beck's articles. This one in particular is titled, How To Love By Caring Less. In this article she basically says that you can love someone but not care. You can love someone unconditionally and not care what happens to them. It sounds strange but it's true. It's called detaching attachment. She says the way to go about this is to:
1. Choose a person you love but feel some level of anxiety, anger or sadness;
2. Identify what this person must change to make you happy ( If loved one) would only (want this person to change), then I could feel ( how you would feel if the change occurred);
3. Accept a Radical Reality(scratch the first clause of the sentence...I could feel (how you would feel) Last sentence is the truth, accept that it is possible; and
4. Shift your focus from controlling your loved one's behavior to creating your own happiness.
After reading this article I actually felt relieved only because this is how I feel towards certain people in my life. In the beginning it was hard to accept how these people in my life were and it truly bothered me. Then I had my first son and after having him I began to re-evaluate my life and my feelings towards other people. I realized that my happiness was more important than anything and if I wanted to be the best parent that I could be then, that meant I had to be happy and positive. "Sanity begins the moment you admit you're powerless over other people." That's when I said to my self that people aren't going to change and I would have to accept it and move on. If they were negative factors in my life then I could either distance myself from them speaking to them on occasion or just love them and let go. And so far it's working. Like I said before after reading this article I felt relieved because I thought I was wrong for feeling the way that I do but now I feel much better.
Friday
Mind Boggling Question
Time after time
Place after place
Love after love……still nothing
Open my heart?
Keep my heart closed?
Be hurt or hurt?
Mind boggling questions
Perfect time, fucked up timing
Is that nothing becoming something?
……No its just for the moment
my heart closed…
No mind boggling question
Just a quick simple answer.
Now you come along,
what do I expect?
What should I expect?
More mind boggling questions
You say you want to love me?
Do you know how many
times I’ve heard that before?!
BE ABOUT IT!!
Why am I like that?
Now that’s a GOOD QUESTION!!!
After all the hurt and pain
my heart has closed.
So many lies, followed by nothing.
One tends to give up.
You say that you are real?!
Once again…..
BE ABOUT IT!!
Once you’re ‘bout it ‘bout it
maybe then my heart will open.
How long does that take?
Another MIND BOGGLING QUESTION
Place after place
Love after love……still nothing
Open my heart?
Keep my heart closed?
Be hurt or hurt?
Mind boggling questions
Perfect time, fucked up timing
Is that nothing becoming something?
……No its just for the moment
my heart closed…
No mind boggling question
Just a quick simple answer.
Now you come along,
what do I expect?
What should I expect?
More mind boggling questions
You say you want to love me?
Do you know how many
times I’ve heard that before?!
BE ABOUT IT!!
Why am I like that?
Now that’s a GOOD QUESTION!!!
After all the hurt and pain
my heart has closed.
So many lies, followed by nothing.
One tends to give up.
You say that you are real?!
Once again…..
BE ABOUT IT!!
Once you’re ‘bout it ‘bout it
maybe then my heart will open.
How long does that take?
Another MIND BOGGLING QUESTION
Thursday
Random Writers Thought
Well here I am at the computer trying to decide if I should work on a few chapters or edit a script I've been working on. I think I'll most likely work on a few chapters now and if I'm still up later edit the script. I'm looking forward to bringing these chapters together for my next book. The last 10mths of my life have been very interesting and to combine them in a book....I look so forward to reading the end result.
I guess I need to get a move on it because time is of the essence when it comes to perfection or is it?
I guess I need to get a move on it because time is of the essence when it comes to perfection or is it?
Wednesday
Some Type of Writer's Block
I feel motivated to write but I can't. It's not that I have nothing to write about, I just can't start. I'm waiting for something to happen that's gonna make me either start typing or pick up my journal and start writing. Either way the story that I have to tell is going to get out one way or another.
Maybe I can start a chapter and go from there and come back to the beginning when whatever it is that I'm waiting for to happen happens.
You know what? I'm just going to start with a chapter and wait for the "happening" or maybe I'll outline.....Who knows? I'll figure it out.
Maybe I can start a chapter and go from there and come back to the beginning when whatever it is that I'm waiting for to happen happens.
You know what? I'm just going to start with a chapter and wait for the "happening" or maybe I'll outline.....Who knows? I'll figure it out.
Tuesday
With or Against Me
When you are in the process of success or something great, people are either with you or against you.
Those with you will continuously ask you if you need anything or help until the very end.
Those against you don't come around until the process of something great or your success until you have finished putting the final touches on everything. These are the people who just want to be around to reap the benefits.
When your benefits are up and done the people against you go back to being against you until the next big thing. These people don't know what you're up to and claim that you're up to nothing. But you know, you have to be grateful for those who are constantly with you because these are the people who encourage you to go on.
So which one are you?
Those with you will continuously ask you if you need anything or help until the very end.
Those against you don't come around until the process of something great or your success until you have finished putting the final touches on everything. These are the people who just want to be around to reap the benefits.
When your benefits are up and done the people against you go back to being against you until the next big thing. These people don't know what you're up to and claim that you're up to nothing. But you know, you have to be grateful for those who are constantly with you because these are the people who encourage you to go on.
So which one are you?
Monday
Couples Alone Time
Many of us in relationships find it hard at times to do things with our partners. Most of the time if you have kids, taking them to the park or maybe to an appointment together or even taking them on a fun-filled vacation can be an adventure. Then of course there's date night when you two can have your alone time. For me, it's not that often that my partner and I get to spend alone time or even time together. We have Scrabble night but of course the kids are playing with their toys or even recording us with their Leap Pads. Then there are family events that we go to where we can enjoy ourselves and really not have to worry about the kids but we're technically not alone.
Since my partner has been on vacation Thursday we have been doing some interesting things together. After waiting for our five year old at the bus-stop, then picking up our three year old from daycare we as a family went grocery shopping. Before the summer it was just me, during the summer, me and the boys. Now since school has started I've been able to go my normal day because my partner is home on vacation. Going grocery shopping with three males is an adventure but kinda nice because I don't have to push the cart and keep saying 'no'. When we got home I was able to put the groceries away in peace since they all went for haircuts. Believe it or not I enjoyed that time together as a family. It was a busy day but worth it since I had my three men there.
Friday after dropping off the youngest at daycare, my partner and I headed to the gym. Normally he goes early in the morning before work and I go after I drop the youngest off. This session he went his way and I did the same.
Over the weekend we took a rode trip. We learned three things on this trip. The first thing, it takes longer than four hours to get out of New York. Two, we can spend a long amount of time in car and not want to kill each other. And the last thing that we learned, when our kids get to the college age, if they want to go to a school in Upstate New York, we wouldn't mind taking the drive. Believe it or not that drive was the longest amount of time that we spent together since our boys have been born.
Now today, we did the same thing that we did on Friday but this time I had him training me. So today when we got to the gym, we had me doing squats the whole time. We may have gotten to the gym around 9:30ish and at about 10:15-10:20, I did some leg curls and calf raises. We had to be out of there in time to get our five year old off the bus at 11:00. When we left the gym, my legs were wobbly, well actually at some point during the work-out my legs were wobbly. Now when I go to the gym I do a variation of squats along with some deadlifts, elliptical machine and treadmill. I also discovered that I had been doing my squats WRONG!!!!!
My legs are still wobbly and I feel good and I can't wait for tomorrow's work-out so we can have our 'Couples Time Alone'.
Since my partner has been on vacation Thursday we have been doing some interesting things together. After waiting for our five year old at the bus-stop, then picking up our three year old from daycare we as a family went grocery shopping. Before the summer it was just me, during the summer, me and the boys. Now since school has started I've been able to go my normal day because my partner is home on vacation. Going grocery shopping with three males is an adventure but kinda nice because I don't have to push the cart and keep saying 'no'. When we got home I was able to put the groceries away in peace since they all went for haircuts. Believe it or not I enjoyed that time together as a family. It was a busy day but worth it since I had my three men there.
Friday after dropping off the youngest at daycare, my partner and I headed to the gym. Normally he goes early in the morning before work and I go after I drop the youngest off. This session he went his way and I did the same.
Over the weekend we took a rode trip. We learned three things on this trip. The first thing, it takes longer than four hours to get out of New York. Two, we can spend a long amount of time in car and not want to kill each other. And the last thing that we learned, when our kids get to the college age, if they want to go to a school in Upstate New York, we wouldn't mind taking the drive. Believe it or not that drive was the longest amount of time that we spent together since our boys have been born.
Now today, we did the same thing that we did on Friday but this time I had him training me. So today when we got to the gym, we had me doing squats the whole time. We may have gotten to the gym around 9:30ish and at about 10:15-10:20, I did some leg curls and calf raises. We had to be out of there in time to get our five year old off the bus at 11:00. When we left the gym, my legs were wobbly, well actually at some point during the work-out my legs were wobbly. Now when I go to the gym I do a variation of squats along with some deadlifts, elliptical machine and treadmill. I also discovered that I had been doing my squats WRONG!!!!!
My legs are still wobbly and I feel good and I can't wait for tomorrow's work-out so we can have our 'Couples Time Alone'.
Sunday
Situations
Situations do arise,
But when they come,
why do we act surprised?
Situations do pass,
And when they do,
Why do they leave us wonderin?
Situations do happen,
Why is that,
They leave us feeling stuck?
We can always make the best
Out of a bad situation
But can we make a good situation
Better than it truly already is?
Is it a good idea,
To make the worse out of a good situation?
Situations will always
Just be situations.
But when they come,
why do we act surprised?
Situations do pass,
And when they do,
Why do they leave us wonderin?
Situations do happen,
Why is that,
They leave us feeling stuck?
We can always make the best
Out of a bad situation
But can we make a good situation
Better than it truly already is?
Is it a good idea,
To make the worse out of a good situation?
Situations will always
Just be situations.
Saturday
My Mind Is Made Up
I’m startin to feel like everything is
Just a game,
Some things change and some remain.
It’s like a constant struggle just to go on.
I struggle to do this,
I struggle to do that.
But you know what?
My mind is made up
I’m going to play this game
And everything won’t be the same.
Why should I have to struggle?
I’m takin my life back.
No more attacks.
Right about now,
My mind is made up
No more worrying about you,
Today, tomorrow or yesterday.
It’s all about me,
future, past and present.
So look out world
because,
My mind is made up.
Just a game,
Some things change and some remain.
It’s like a constant struggle just to go on.
I struggle to do this,
I struggle to do that.
But you know what?
My mind is made up
I’m going to play this game
And everything won’t be the same.
Why should I have to struggle?
I’m takin my life back.
No more attacks.
Right about now,
My mind is made up
No more worrying about you,
Today, tomorrow or yesterday.
It’s all about me,
future, past and present.
So look out world
because,
My mind is made up.
Friday
Why We Do The Things We Do
When it comes to love, do you ever wonder why people do the things that they do? Ever wonder why people fall in love? Ever wonder what makes people fall out of love? Ever wonder why couples tend to cheat on each other? Ever wonder why?
There are so many, what, ever wonder, and why questions when it comes to relationships. The twisted thing about it is that many of these questions go unanswered for a long period of time. But, then on the other hand, some people can answer all the questions without thinking twice. But are their answers the right answers? Maybe the answers are right for them; however, they may not be right for others. The things that we do are just so unexplainable, or are they? We tend to do things just because. We never know why we are doing what we are doing; it just seems to be an action or a response. We see things that we want and we go after them and once we have them its like, damn… I went through all of that and this is what I got!? We often have to step all over people; we often hurt others in the process without even realizing what we did or are doing. It’s like we see what we want, and it’s wrapped up in a pretty wrapping; and, in order to find out what’s inside, we unwrap it by any means necessary. This is when we begin to act like a fool, and all the foolish and devilish things start to kick in. We turn into the devil and act a way that we never acted before. After it’s all said and done, we ask ourselves “why?” All we can come up with is “I don’t know.” Why don’t we know, or do we? A majority of the time we don’t know the real reason behind our intentions and we answer the question just by saying “because.” Because what? There’s no what; there’s only because.
I can only speak for myself and not for others, but I do things just to do it, not intentionally but unintentionally. It’s never intended to hurt anyone but some of the things I do, do hurt others. Am I sorry? Depends. Family, yes. Friends, maybe. Others, well if they are in the way, perhaps. There are and have been times when I did something and just didn’t give a fuck and could care less about who got/gets hurt in the process.
There is a reason to why we do things that we do. We just have to look deep within ourselves to find the answer. If other people knew why we did what we did, we would be predictable and no one wants to be predictable. If we were predictable then everyone would know everybody’s next move. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t want anyone to know my next move. Each individual knows why he or she does what he or she does; no one else knows the answer.
So why do you do the things you do?
There are so many, what, ever wonder, and why questions when it comes to relationships. The twisted thing about it is that many of these questions go unanswered for a long period of time. But, then on the other hand, some people can answer all the questions without thinking twice. But are their answers the right answers? Maybe the answers are right for them; however, they may not be right for others. The things that we do are just so unexplainable, or are they? We tend to do things just because. We never know why we are doing what we are doing; it just seems to be an action or a response. We see things that we want and we go after them and once we have them its like, damn… I went through all of that and this is what I got!? We often have to step all over people; we often hurt others in the process without even realizing what we did or are doing. It’s like we see what we want, and it’s wrapped up in a pretty wrapping; and, in order to find out what’s inside, we unwrap it by any means necessary. This is when we begin to act like a fool, and all the foolish and devilish things start to kick in. We turn into the devil and act a way that we never acted before. After it’s all said and done, we ask ourselves “why?” All we can come up with is “I don’t know.” Why don’t we know, or do we? A majority of the time we don’t know the real reason behind our intentions and we answer the question just by saying “because.” Because what? There’s no what; there’s only because.
I can only speak for myself and not for others, but I do things just to do it, not intentionally but unintentionally. It’s never intended to hurt anyone but some of the things I do, do hurt others. Am I sorry? Depends. Family, yes. Friends, maybe. Others, well if they are in the way, perhaps. There are and have been times when I did something and just didn’t give a fuck and could care less about who got/gets hurt in the process.
There is a reason to why we do things that we do. We just have to look deep within ourselves to find the answer. If other people knew why we did what we did, we would be predictable and no one wants to be predictable. If we were predictable then everyone would know everybody’s next move. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t want anyone to know my next move. Each individual knows why he or she does what he or she does; no one else knows the answer.
So why do you do the things you do?
Thursday
A Lesson
Who remembers,
what yesterday has taught us?
Who knows,
what today will teach us?
Who hopes,
for what tomorrow will bring us?
Seasons change,
and our lives we can arrange.
Believe in yourself,
for it is self who can make
the difference.
Gradually you’ll see a better
appearance.
All it takes is hope, faith & belief.
Soon you’ll say what a relief
Remember what yesterday
has taught you.
Remember today’s lesson.
And be sure to greet tomorrow with
open arms.
For, seasons may change
and our lives we can always
RE-ARRANGE
what yesterday has taught us?
Who knows,
what today will teach us?
Who hopes,
for what tomorrow will bring us?
Seasons change,
and our lives we can arrange.
Believe in yourself,
for it is self who can make
the difference.
Gradually you’ll see a better
appearance.
All it takes is hope, faith & belief.
Soon you’ll say what a relief
Remember what yesterday
has taught you.
Remember today’s lesson.
And be sure to greet tomorrow with
open arms.
For, seasons may change
and our lives we can always
RE-ARRANGE
Wednesday
Mother Duties
Well this last week has been very interesting for me. First, my 3 year old started going to daycare alone. Before September him and his brother were going to the same place and he always had his brother in a room across from him. I thought that there was going to be a little problem but he proved me wrong.
Now as for my 5 year old, well he had his front teeth pulled. He was a trooper in the chair but once he started coming back to normal he was a little crazy. He had his teeth pulled the day before school started and we thought he wouldn't be ready but he was. His first day of Kindergarten and he was ready. Instead of putting him on the bus I drove him the first two days. He loved it. Before he started school I asked him did he want me to drive him or take the bus or did he want me to drive him a few days and he could take the bus the other days. Of course he said he wanted me to drive him all the days. This past Sunday I asked him would he like to take the bus and he surprised me by saying yes. Monday morning we got up went through our morning routine and we headed to the bus stop.
When we were walking to the bus stop he was so focused that he didn't notice that his dad drove by. Every bus that passed by he thought they forgot him. I let him know that it wasn't his bus. Now my son is the type to say he wants to do something and when the time comes he changes his mind. Not on Monday. The bus came down the hill and stopped. The doors open and at that point in my head I was he's not gonna get on. I told him it was ok for him to get on and proceeded to help him on the bus. He stopped(I waited for him to say he didn't want to go) he turned to me and asked me would I be here waiting for him when he got back? Of course! He got on the bus. I couldn't believe it. I was so proud and at the same time sad because at that moment I realized that my lil guy was truly growing up.
We were both excited to see each other when he returned. I'm proud of both of my lil men. They are both on their own and are doing great. Now if I can just get into a normal routine that's just for me during the time that they are gone in the morning.
Now as for my 5 year old, well he had his front teeth pulled. He was a trooper in the chair but once he started coming back to normal he was a little crazy. He had his teeth pulled the day before school started and we thought he wouldn't be ready but he was. His first day of Kindergarten and he was ready. Instead of putting him on the bus I drove him the first two days. He loved it. Before he started school I asked him did he want me to drive him or take the bus or did he want me to drive him a few days and he could take the bus the other days. Of course he said he wanted me to drive him all the days. This past Sunday I asked him would he like to take the bus and he surprised me by saying yes. Monday morning we got up went through our morning routine and we headed to the bus stop.
When we were walking to the bus stop he was so focused that he didn't notice that his dad drove by. Every bus that passed by he thought they forgot him. I let him know that it wasn't his bus. Now my son is the type to say he wants to do something and when the time comes he changes his mind. Not on Monday. The bus came down the hill and stopped. The doors open and at that point in my head I was he's not gonna get on. I told him it was ok for him to get on and proceeded to help him on the bus. He stopped(I waited for him to say he didn't want to go) he turned to me and asked me would I be here waiting for him when he got back? Of course! He got on the bus. I couldn't believe it. I was so proud and at the same time sad because at that moment I realized that my lil guy was truly growing up.
We were both excited to see each other when he returned. I'm proud of both of my lil men. They are both on their own and are doing great. Now if I can just get into a normal routine that's just for me during the time that they are gone in the morning.
Believing In Self
When I first said that I wanted to be a writer, I had no one to guide me in the right direction. I dove in head first without knowing a single thing. I always thought, you submit to a publisher and they either said yes or no. I never knew that writers were represented by agents and publishing is not as easy as I thought. With many years of educating myself on the publishing and writing industry, I am now a published author. :^) What a feeling just to say that I followed my dreams and look where it led me!
With following my dream, I have now put myself in a position where struggling writers want to know how I got started, what path did I take and/or how I kept going with having doors shut in my face sort of speak and hearing the word no. I simply tell them that writing is something that I want to do. Writing wasn't forced on me, it is my passion and when I write, I'm extremely happy inside and out. Being that writing was my passion and a career I wanted to pursue, I simply followed through.
Many of us get caught up with what we are "supposed" to do but never get caught up with our dreams and goals. It's often because there isn't anyone there to help us or push us to follow through. I can admit that it is also hard just to start some where but in all actuality it's very simple.
We all hear of success stories of people starting new businesses or a new career and we are amazed. We think to ourselves, how can I accomplish something to that extent or even something simple?
Here's how, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to believe that you will succeed. For every negative thought you have, turn into a positive thought. I know that it very simple to do but sometimes it's not that simple. People need motivation and that's understandable but if you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect for someone else to believe in you.
With following my dream, I have now put myself in a position where struggling writers want to know how I got started, what path did I take and/or how I kept going with having doors shut in my face sort of speak and hearing the word no. I simply tell them that writing is something that I want to do. Writing wasn't forced on me, it is my passion and when I write, I'm extremely happy inside and out. Being that writing was my passion and a career I wanted to pursue, I simply followed through.
Many of us get caught up with what we are "supposed" to do but never get caught up with our dreams and goals. It's often because there isn't anyone there to help us or push us to follow through. I can admit that it is also hard just to start some where but in all actuality it's very simple.
We all hear of success stories of people starting new businesses or a new career and we are amazed. We think to ourselves, how can I accomplish something to that extent or even something simple?
Here's how, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to believe that you will succeed. For every negative thought you have, turn into a positive thought. I know that it very simple to do but sometimes it's not that simple. People need motivation and that's understandable but if you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect for someone else to believe in you.
Tuesday
Friends
My mom always used to say: "(you fill in the name) isn't really your friend or who you think is your friend isn't." I'd always roll my eyes and walk away. Back then, I never really understood what she meant but as I got older I began to see what she meant.
I always considered myself a good friend. If you confided in me, that's exactly what you were doing. If you told me you were friends with someone and I knew that someone was talking shit about you...I'm gonna tell you.(You wonder why your business is in the streets well.....) If I heard something on the streets about you.....I'm coming to you about it. I sometimes find myself around people who talk about other people behind their back.(technically isn't that in your face, so shouldn't it behind your face?) Mind you, they call these people their friends. In my mind I'm like wow and you call yourself a friend?
The older I get and go through things in life, I see who is and who isn't a friend. I'm almost in my mid-thirties and as I entered into my thirties, I've learned who's real and who isn't. It's funny because the people that I've met along the way have been better friends to me than those who I've known longer. Wow, as I typed that, I shook my head and said that was a damn shame.
It's funny because now that I'm older I understand what my mother meant back then. And believe it or not, the ones she called out are the ones who I don't speak to. I guess when we're young we are blind but then later in life we really begin to see who our real friends are.
I always considered myself a good friend. If you confided in me, that's exactly what you were doing. If you told me you were friends with someone and I knew that someone was talking shit about you...I'm gonna tell you.(You wonder why your business is in the streets well.....) If I heard something on the streets about you.....I'm coming to you about it. I sometimes find myself around people who talk about other people behind their back.(technically isn't that in your face, so shouldn't it behind your face?) Mind you, they call these people their friends. In my mind I'm like wow and you call yourself a friend?
The older I get and go through things in life, I see who is and who isn't a friend. I'm almost in my mid-thirties and as I entered into my thirties, I've learned who's real and who isn't. It's funny because the people that I've met along the way have been better friends to me than those who I've known longer. Wow, as I typed that, I shook my head and said that was a damn shame.
It's funny because now that I'm older I understand what my mother meant back then. And believe it or not, the ones she called out are the ones who I don't speak to. I guess when we're young we are blind but then later in life we really begin to see who our real friends are.
Monday
My Life
If you told me, oh lets say 17yrs ago my life would be like this,
I wouldn't have believed you.
If you would have told me that I would be a mother of two, I wouldn't
have taken you serious.
If you would have told me I'd be a published author, I would
have let out a big HA in your face.
If you would have told me that the lessons I was going to learn,
I would have said, whatever, rolled my eyes and walked away.
If you would have told me about the old and new friends, I would have said, "wow, really!"
If you would have told me all these things 17yrs ago about my life, I truly wouldn't have believed you.
I wouldn't have believed you.
If you would have told me that I would be a mother of two, I wouldn't
have taken you serious.
If you would have told me I'd be a published author, I would
have let out a big HA in your face.
If you would have told me that the lessons I was going to learn,
I would have said, whatever, rolled my eyes and walked away.
If you would have told me about the old and new friends, I would have said, "wow, really!"
If you would have told me all these things 17yrs ago about my life, I truly wouldn't have believed you.
Friday
Starting Over
As I start a new chapter in my life, I find myself starting over in another part of my life. This part of my life where I'm starting over, I should actually be picking up where I left off but I'm not.
The part of my life that I'm speaking about is my writing life. When I started that life, there were a lot of bumps, turns and forks in the road. Somehow I managed to get on the straight road. While on the straight road, I met some interesting people and learnt some interesting lessons.
From the people that I've met, I take with me their advice to help me start over and move forward. The lessons that I've learned, I also take them with me in stride as I move forward.
As I start my writing career over, I start over with a new outlook and a new positive attitude.
The part of my life that I'm speaking about is my writing life. When I started that life, there were a lot of bumps, turns and forks in the road. Somehow I managed to get on the straight road. While on the straight road, I met some interesting people and learnt some interesting lessons.
From the people that I've met, I take with me their advice to help me start over and move forward. The lessons that I've learned, I also take them with me in stride as I move forward.
As I start my writing career over, I start over with a new outlook and a new positive attitude.
Thursday
Overwhelming
Sometimes I think that I can't do it,
but something tells me that I have to
keep movin.
If its not this, then its that
and still,
I have to keep it moving.
There are times when I just wanna
give up,
but I can't because,
I've come to far.
All in all,
things are the way
that they should be
but sometimes
things just seem to be so
Overwhelming.
but something tells me that I have to
keep movin.
If its not this, then its that
and still,
I have to keep it moving.
There are times when I just wanna
give up,
but I can't because,
I've come to far.
All in all,
things are the way
that they should be
but sometimes
things just seem to be so
Overwhelming.
Friday
When I Grow Up
Growing up I wanted to be an attorney.....Divorce that is. I guess when I was younger I had a feeling that marriage wasn't going to be as sacred now as it was back then.
Growing up I wanted to be a dancer......Naturally a Ballerina. I always thought Ballerinas were so graceful...but then I grew up to be 6'1.5". So how graceful would I look? I can whine though(that's the trini blood).
Growing up I wanted to be a psychologist.......other people's problems were so much better than mine....Then I got older and my problems kinda got worse...(not in a bad way though).
Growing up I wanted to be a model.........correction, other people wanted me to be a model.......I'M SUCH A TOMBOY BUT!
Growing up I wanted to be a wife.........Now, I'd consider being with someone who completes me sexually, spiritually,emotionally, physically and mentally for the rest of my life without marriage. If you ever think about it, some couples work out fine before getting married but then when they get married, things fall apart. It's true..if it ain't broke, then don't fix it.
Growing up I wanted a child........Under the right circumstances that is.
Growing up I had dreams and aspirations and to this very day......I still do.
When I grow up I want to be the best writer that I can be......Even if it means that I have to practice my craft 6 times a day......
When I grow up I want to be the best friend that I can be.....Even if it means loving a friend tough.
When I grow up I want to be the best daughter I can be.....I know growing up I gave my parents hell but it was apart of my learning experience.
When I grow up I want to be less a bratty younger sister.....That's not going to happen because I'ma Brat!!!!!
When I grow up I want to be the best lover/girlfriend/wife I can be.
When I grow up I want......to follow my dreams and accomplish my goals.
When I grow up, I don't want my life to get so out of control to where I can't handle my life or the substance that makes up my life and the things that surround my life. When I grow up I want total control of my life and to be able to take my life back at any given moment.
When I grow up I want to be the best person that I can be......Not for no one but me.
Growing up I wanted to be a dancer......Naturally a Ballerina. I always thought Ballerinas were so graceful...but then I grew up to be 6'1.5". So how graceful would I look? I can whine though(that's the trini blood).
Growing up I wanted to be a psychologist.......other people's problems were so much better than mine....Then I got older and my problems kinda got worse...(not in a bad way though).
Growing up I wanted to be a model.........correction, other people wanted me to be a model.......I'M SUCH A TOMBOY BUT!
Growing up I wanted to be a wife.........Now, I'd consider being with someone who completes me sexually, spiritually,emotionally, physically and mentally for the rest of my life without marriage. If you ever think about it, some couples work out fine before getting married but then when they get married, things fall apart. It's true..if it ain't broke, then don't fix it.
Growing up I wanted a child........Under the right circumstances that is.
Growing up I had dreams and aspirations and to this very day......I still do.
When I grow up I want to be the best writer that I can be......Even if it means that I have to practice my craft 6 times a day......
When I grow up I want to be the best friend that I can be.....Even if it means loving a friend tough.
When I grow up I want to be the best daughter I can be.....I know growing up I gave my parents hell but it was apart of my learning experience.
When I grow up I want to be less a bratty younger sister.....That's not going to happen because I'ma Brat!!!!!
When I grow up I want to be the best lover/girlfriend/wife I can be.
When I grow up I want......to follow my dreams and accomplish my goals.
When I grow up, I don't want my life to get so out of control to where I can't handle my life or the substance that makes up my life and the things that surround my life. When I grow up I want total control of my life and to be able to take my life back at any given moment.
When I grow up I want to be the best person that I can be......Not for no one but me.
Thursday
I Am Who I Am
I am who I am
Because I am me.
I do what I do,
when and how I wanna do it.
I can’t help it if that’s how I think.
I damn sure can’t hate the
way that I talk,
I can’t help if it sounds like that.
Just don’t get it twisted,
cause you just might miss it.
I am who I am
because I am me.
I see what I see,
not only is because of what I see
but how it’s presented.
There are times when I care,
then there times when I don’t.
But my heart is always in the right place.
I am who I am
because I am me.
I love but at the same time I hate.
I hate but at the same time I love.
I am who I am
because,
I am Arnittress.
Because I am me.
I do what I do,
when and how I wanna do it.
I can’t help it if that’s how I think.
I damn sure can’t hate the
way that I talk,
I can’t help if it sounds like that.
Just don’t get it twisted,
cause you just might miss it.
I am who I am
because I am me.
I see what I see,
not only is because of what I see
but how it’s presented.
There are times when I care,
then there times when I don’t.
But my heart is always in the right place.
I am who I am
because I am me.
I love but at the same time I hate.
I hate but at the same time I love.
I am who I am
because,
I am Arnittress.
Friday
Understand
Everyday I think of all that I want to say
but the words can never come out.
I want to tell you how I truly feel
but I shy away.
I find it harder and harder to communicate
my thoughts of you, to you.
There are many days that I sit and
think “what if?”
What if I tell you how I feel will it
push you away or bring you closer to me.
I ask myself are his feelings mutual or
is he stringing me along?
If I ask you to help me talk to you about you
will you do it?
If I ask you to tell me how you really
feel, would you tell me?
If I ask you to talk to me about you,
will you talk about you?
If I ask you to ease my pain,
will you ease it?
Will you do whatever it takes to help
me understand, understand you?
but the words can never come out.
I want to tell you how I truly feel
but I shy away.
I find it harder and harder to communicate
my thoughts of you, to you.
There are many days that I sit and
think “what if?”
What if I tell you how I feel will it
push you away or bring you closer to me.
I ask myself are his feelings mutual or
is he stringing me along?
If I ask you to help me talk to you about you
will you do it?
If I ask you to tell me how you really
feel, would you tell me?
If I ask you to talk to me about you,
will you talk about you?
If I ask you to ease my pain,
will you ease it?
Will you do whatever it takes to help
me understand, understand you?
Thursday
Have You Ever?
Have you ever
been with someone
and they made you
feel at ease?
Have you ever
been with someone
who made you body melt?
Have you ever
been with someone
who's left you both
speechless and breathless?
Have you ever
been with someone
who made you realize
what love was all about?
Have you ever
just been with someone
who made you
completley happy?
been with someone
and they made you
feel at ease?
Have you ever
been with someone
who made you body melt?
Have you ever
been with someone
who's left you both
speechless and breathless?
Have you ever
been with someone
who made you realize
what love was all about?
Have you ever
just been with someone
who made you
completley happy?
Wednesday
20 Questions
I came across an article that was published in an issue of O, The Oprah Magazine. The name of the article was, 20 Questions That Could Change Your Life by Martha Beck. Martha Beck asked a bunch of women what they thought every woman should ask herself and these are the questions that they came up with.
1. What questions should I be asking myself? Creates an alert thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out information you need in every situation. Ask it frequently.
2. Is this what I want to be doing?
3. Why worry?
4. Why do I like (cupcakes) more than I like (people)? Switch out words in bracket.
5. How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?
6. How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?
7. Are (vegans) better people? Switch out word in bracket
8. What is my body telling me?
9. How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk? Originally posed by Lao Tzu, " To become learned, each day add something. To become enlightened, each day drop something."
10. What's so funny?
11. Where am I wrong?
12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?
13. Am I the only one struggling not during ? Pick your faux pas
14. What do I love to practice?
15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
16. How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
17. Where should I break the rules?
18. So say I lived in that fabulous house in (Tuscany), with untold wealth, a gorgeous adoring mate, and a full staff of servants....then what?
19. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
20. Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?
Again, these were composed by asking /surveying women and these are the questions that they came up with. I found them to be interesting because I actually ask myself a few of these questions. It's funny because I didn't realize that I was asking some of these questions but at the same time this list answered a question of my own which is: are other women asking themselves the same questions as I am asking myself? Huh, I guess women do think alike in some aspect.
1. What questions should I be asking myself? Creates an alert thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out information you need in every situation. Ask it frequently.
2. Is this what I want to be doing?
3. Why worry?
4. Why do I like (cupcakes) more than I like (people)? Switch out words in bracket.
5. How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?
6. How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?
7. Are (vegans) better people? Switch out word in bracket
8. What is my body telling me?
9. How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk? Originally posed by Lao Tzu, " To become learned, each day add something. To become enlightened, each day drop something."
10. What's so funny?
11. Where am I wrong?
12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?
13. Am I the only one struggling not during ? Pick your faux pas
14. What do I love to practice?
15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
16. How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
17. Where should I break the rules?
18. So say I lived in that fabulous house in (Tuscany), with untold wealth, a gorgeous adoring mate, and a full staff of servants....then what?
19. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
20. Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?
Again, these were composed by asking /surveying women and these are the questions that they came up with. I found them to be interesting because I actually ask myself a few of these questions. It's funny because I didn't realize that I was asking some of these questions but at the same time this list answered a question of my own which is: are other women asking themselves the same questions as I am asking myself? Huh, I guess women do think alike in some aspect.
Tuesday
Nervous
Nervous is
When the phone rings and it’s you on the other end
Nervous is
My heart beating ten miles a minute
Nervous is
Butterflies in my stomach
Nervous is
My clamy hands steadily shaking
Nervous is
The sensual wetness I feel between my legs
Nervous is
My knees buckling
Nervous is
Me standing still not being able to move
Nervous is
Closing my eyes & taking a deep breath just to say hello
Nervous is
How I feel when I’m with you
Nervous is
How I feel when I’m in your arms
Nervous is
How I feel when you touch me
Nervous is
How you make me feel
When the phone rings and it’s you on the other end
Nervous is
My heart beating ten miles a minute
Nervous is
Butterflies in my stomach
Nervous is
My clamy hands steadily shaking
Nervous is
The sensual wetness I feel between my legs
Nervous is
My knees buckling
Nervous is
Me standing still not being able to move
Nervous is
Closing my eyes & taking a deep breath just to say hello
Nervous is
How I feel when I’m with you
Nervous is
How I feel when I’m in your arms
Nervous is
How I feel when you touch me
Nervous is
How you make me feel
Monday
10 Life Lessons To Unlearn
I've read an article by Martha Beck in my O Newsletter. This article, 10 Life Lessons To Unlearn was another interesting article. After reading the article, I had what Oprah would call an "Aha moment". Without knowing that I was unlearning these lessons. I am at that point in my life where I am unlearning and at the same time realizing the lessons being taught by unlearning these lessons, if that makes sense.
Here are the 10 lessons that according to Martha Beck we should be unlearning:
1. Problems are bad. An awful relationship is teaching us what love means.
2. It's important to stay happy. Focus on something miserable. Think, "I must stay happy!" Then say, "It's okay to be sad as I need to be."
3. I'm irreparably damaged by my past. Take an issue that's been worrying you and think of 3 reasons that belief may be wrong. Your brain will begin to let go.
4. Working hard leads to success. Play not work is the key to success.
5. Success is the opposite of failure. Success is built from failure.
6. It matters what people think of me. No it doesn't.
7. We should think rationally about our decisions. Instead of weighing pros and cons intellectually, notice your physical response to each option. Pay attention to when your body tenses and relaxes and make a decision based on your physical response.
8. The pretty girls get all the good stuff. While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them.
9. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect. Good fortune has side effects: rehab clinics, divorce courts and jails. To attract something you want, become joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.
10. Loss is terrible. If you've abandoned yourself in effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned.
Makes you go hmmmm. It always takes for either someone or something to point out our "growing up" lessons. We tend to think that we are doing the wrong things when it comes to taking control of our lives and then, well for me, I read an article like this and realize that I'm doing things right and it's okay to think the way that I'm thinking. It's all about me becoming who I'm going to become and realizing what is and what isn't important. Sometimes what we think is important isn't necessarily that important and it's better to just let it go and begin to live our lives.
Here are the 10 lessons that according to Martha Beck we should be unlearning:
1. Problems are bad. An awful relationship is teaching us what love means.
2. It's important to stay happy. Focus on something miserable. Think, "I must stay happy!" Then say, "It's okay to be sad as I need to be."
3. I'm irreparably damaged by my past. Take an issue that's been worrying you and think of 3 reasons that belief may be wrong. Your brain will begin to let go.
4. Working hard leads to success. Play not work is the key to success.
5. Success is the opposite of failure. Success is built from failure.
6. It matters what people think of me. No it doesn't.
7. We should think rationally about our decisions. Instead of weighing pros and cons intellectually, notice your physical response to each option. Pay attention to when your body tenses and relaxes and make a decision based on your physical response.
8. The pretty girls get all the good stuff. While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them.
9. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect. Good fortune has side effects: rehab clinics, divorce courts and jails. To attract something you want, become joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.
10. Loss is terrible. If you've abandoned yourself in effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned.
Makes you go hmmmm. It always takes for either someone or something to point out our "growing up" lessons. We tend to think that we are doing the wrong things when it comes to taking control of our lives and then, well for me, I read an article like this and realize that I'm doing things right and it's okay to think the way that I'm thinking. It's all about me becoming who I'm going to become and realizing what is and what isn't important. Sometimes what we think is important isn't necessarily that important and it's better to just let it go and begin to live our lives.
Sunday
Tales of Kayla & Kay-Kay
I never knew how good it could be. I was just so used to dry-humping which kinda got me aroused but I was just scared to do it the "proper way". I heard all types of stories of how it hurt for some people and for others it was just down right good. For me, it was an experience but it didn't hurt. After the first time I actually wanted to do it again. I wanted to make sure that every time I did it, it would be easier. I wanted my partner to be able to slide right on in and give it to me right.......Could I have been a freak from the giddy up and not realize it?
Well it's about time she let someone penetrate me. I mean, damn I'm tired of the rubbing. When she allowed penetration, I was soo happy, don't get me wrong it hurt a little bit but once we both were comfortable, it just seemed so right. The more action, well not action but the more we got into it the better it started to feel. I mean it felt so good, who would have that poking could feel good. In and out, out and in the "stick" went. But right before I was able to get excited, the damn stick, well I want to say it exploded and that was it......Would there be a time where I'd be able to do the same?
Well it's about time she let someone penetrate me. I mean, damn I'm tired of the rubbing. When she allowed penetration, I was soo happy, don't get me wrong it hurt a little bit but once we both were comfortable, it just seemed so right. The more action, well not action but the more we got into it the better it started to feel. I mean it felt so good, who would have that poking could feel good. In and out, out and in the "stick" went. But right before I was able to get excited, the damn stick, well I want to say it exploded and that was it......Would there be a time where I'd be able to do the same?
Saturday
Do You
Do you ever take the time out
and think about the past?
Do you ever think about how
we first met?
Do you ever think about our
first kiss?
What about the first time we made love,
do you ever think about that?
Do you ever think about the first
time you held me in your arms?
Do you even remember how you
felt when I held you in my arms?
Do you remember our first stroll in the park?
Do you think about when we
watched the sun rise and set?
Do you remember the first time that
you looked into my eyes?
Do you remember the moment
when you said I love you?
Oh and by chance do you think
about the day when you broke my heart?
Do you ever just think about me?
and think about the past?
Do you ever think about how
we first met?
Do you ever think about our
first kiss?
What about the first time we made love,
do you ever think about that?
Do you ever think about the first
time you held me in your arms?
Do you even remember how you
felt when I held you in my arms?
Do you remember our first stroll in the park?
Do you think about when we
watched the sun rise and set?
Do you remember the first time that
you looked into my eyes?
Do you remember the moment
when you said I love you?
Oh and by chance do you think
about the day when you broke my heart?
Do you ever just think about me?
Friday
Finding Happiness
Someone asked me why was I so happy. After telling them about all of my trials and tribulations along with my revelations, they then asked, how? I was caught off guard by that question. I questioned why they asked how? After hearing the explanation, I understood their how. This person had been trying for a long time to find happiness on the outside and that way wasn't working.
My comment:
"In order to find happiness, you have to look into your life to see where you are happy and where you're not happy. In the areas in your life where you are not happy, you have to ask why. Once you know why you're not happy, you begin to fix it. It's not going to take a day or two, it's going to take you a long while. Finding happiness is something you have to find within yourself. If you're not happy on the inside, then how do you expect to be happy on the outside?"
This person was so busy looking for happiness on the outside that they failed to realize that happiness starts from within them.
So if you want true happiness, it starts from within and manifests to the outside.
My comment:
"In order to find happiness, you have to look into your life to see where you are happy and where you're not happy. In the areas in your life where you are not happy, you have to ask why. Once you know why you're not happy, you begin to fix it. It's not going to take a day or two, it's going to take you a long while. Finding happiness is something you have to find within yourself. If you're not happy on the inside, then how do you expect to be happy on the outside?"
This person was so busy looking for happiness on the outside that they failed to realize that happiness starts from within them.
So if you want true happiness, it starts from within and manifests to the outside.
Thursday
Believing In Self
When I first said that I wanted to be a writer, I had no one to guide me in the right direction. I dove in head first without knowing a single thing. I always thought, you submit to a publisher and they either said yes or no. I never knew that writers were represented by agents and publishing is not as easy as I thought. With many years of educating myself on the publishing and writing industry, I am now a published author. :^) What a feeling just to say that I followed my dreams and look where it led me!
With following my dream, I have now put myself in a position where struggling writers want to know how I got started, what path did I take and/or how I kept going with having doors shut in my face sort of speak and hearing the word no. I simply tell them that writing is something that I want to do. Writing wasn't forced on me, it is my passion and when I write, I'm extremely happy inside and out. Being that writing was my passion and a career I wanted to pursue, I simply followed through.
Many of us get caught up with what we are "supposed" to do but never get caught up with our dreams and goals. It's often because there isn't anyone there to help us or push us to follow through. I can admit that it is also hard just to start some where but in all actuality it's very simple.
We all hear of success stories of people starting new businesses or a new career and we are amazed. We think to ourselves, how can I accomplish something to that extent or even something simple?
Here's how, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to believe that you will succeed. For every negative thought you have, turn into a positive thought. I know that it very simple to do but sometimes it's not that simple. People need motivation and that's understandable but if you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect for someone else to believe in you.
With following my dream, I have now put myself in a position where struggling writers want to know how I got started, what path did I take and/or how I kept going with having doors shut in my face sort of speak and hearing the word no. I simply tell them that writing is something that I want to do. Writing wasn't forced on me, it is my passion and when I write, I'm extremely happy inside and out. Being that writing was my passion and a career I wanted to pursue, I simply followed through.
Many of us get caught up with what we are "supposed" to do but never get caught up with our dreams and goals. It's often because there isn't anyone there to help us or push us to follow through. I can admit that it is also hard just to start some where but in all actuality it's very simple.
We all hear of success stories of people starting new businesses or a new career and we are amazed. We think to ourselves, how can I accomplish something to that extent or even something simple?
Here's how, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to believe that you will succeed. For every negative thought you have, turn into a positive thought. I know that it very simple to do but sometimes it's not that simple. People need motivation and that's understandable but if you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect for someone else to believe in you.
Wednesday
Reflection: Jail or Milk Carton
Have you ever reflected on the things that you've done in the past? Sometimes when you think back you're like, WOW!!!!!!!! Let me share a one of my reflections, well actually two.
First Reflection: Jail
When I was in college, I'll never forget it, this guy must have stole some book vouchers for financial aid students. Now when you cash them in, you get cash back. So one day I was headed into the bookstore and he gave me the voucher and boom, I went in, made a purchase and gave the change to him.......I don't remember how long after that detectives rang my doorbell, put me in the back of the car(no handcuffs...whew!!!!) and headed to the Sheriff's Department, no not the local police station but to the Sheriff's Department. There, they asked me some questions and after oh let's say an hour they took me back home because they saw that I was someone who looked at the situation as not having to use my own money and the person was a friend so........NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GOT EVEN WITH THAT PERSON WHO GAVE ME THE VOUCHER!!!!!!! Even that revenge could have sent my behind to Federal Prison.......yeah but hey I was young and didn't know any better.
Second Reflection: Milk Carton
I don't mean to toot my own horn but I'm not a bad looking female. I'm tall and slim and in the summer time or whenever it's hot I like to show off my 36 inch long legs. So a lot of times I don't approach men, men approach me. I remember being approached by this guy. He was driving around with his homeboy and it seemed like every where I was they were. So after a while of that, I remember being on W.8th St. and he got my attention. Next thing I know, I'm in a hotel room near LaGuardia Airport. Yeah I went from Manhattan to Queens. The guy was real nice and his homeboy was a sweetheart. Now I'm blessed that they didn't kill me but now that I think about it........I could have been on the back of a milk carton. I didn't tell anyone where I was until they saw me the next day. And yes my cell phone was fully charged.
When we are young we all do crazy things but for me a end result for a majority of the things I've done.............I'd be one of those faces either on the back of a milk carton or on file some where as missing.
First Reflection: Jail
When I was in college, I'll never forget it, this guy must have stole some book vouchers for financial aid students. Now when you cash them in, you get cash back. So one day I was headed into the bookstore and he gave me the voucher and boom, I went in, made a purchase and gave the change to him.......I don't remember how long after that detectives rang my doorbell, put me in the back of the car(no handcuffs...whew!!!!) and headed to the Sheriff's Department, no not the local police station but to the Sheriff's Department. There, they asked me some questions and after oh let's say an hour they took me back home because they saw that I was someone who looked at the situation as not having to use my own money and the person was a friend so........NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GOT EVEN WITH THAT PERSON WHO GAVE ME THE VOUCHER!!!!!!! Even that revenge could have sent my behind to Federal Prison.......yeah but hey I was young and didn't know any better.
Second Reflection: Milk Carton
I don't mean to toot my own horn but I'm not a bad looking female. I'm tall and slim and in the summer time or whenever it's hot I like to show off my 36 inch long legs. So a lot of times I don't approach men, men approach me. I remember being approached by this guy. He was driving around with his homeboy and it seemed like every where I was they were. So after a while of that, I remember being on W.8th St. and he got my attention. Next thing I know, I'm in a hotel room near LaGuardia Airport. Yeah I went from Manhattan to Queens. The guy was real nice and his homeboy was a sweetheart. Now I'm blessed that they didn't kill me but now that I think about it........I could have been on the back of a milk carton. I didn't tell anyone where I was until they saw me the next day. And yes my cell phone was fully charged.
When we are young we all do crazy things but for me a end result for a majority of the things I've done.............I'd be one of those faces either on the back of a milk carton or on file some where as missing.
Tuesday
I Don't Think You Understand
You see,
I’ma complex young lady,
do I want you to understand me?
Well, uh, maybe.
You see,
I went from sugar-n-spice and
everything nice to bitter & naughty
with a dash of nice.
Now, well, I’m just me.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from hating pain and
loving pleasure to accepting pain
and OVER-standing pleasure.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from loving love
which is often over-rated
to accepting hate which allowed me
to OVER-stand love.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I went from weak to strong, strong
to weak,
NOW NOTHING CAN BREAK ME!
But for some reason,
I still don’t think you understand.
It’s not the positive that makes
me but its all that has went wrong
that’s made me strong.
You see,
I could care-less
but it won’t make me careless.
You can try to understand me but still,
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER OVERSTAND ME!
I’ma complex young lady,
do I want you to understand me?
Well, uh, maybe.
You see,
I went from sugar-n-spice and
everything nice to bitter & naughty
with a dash of nice.
Now, well, I’m just me.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from hating pain and
loving pleasure to accepting pain
and OVER-standing pleasure.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from loving love
which is often over-rated
to accepting hate which allowed me
to OVER-stand love.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I went from weak to strong, strong
to weak,
NOW NOTHING CAN BREAK ME!
But for some reason,
I still don’t think you understand.
It’s not the positive that makes
me but its all that has went wrong
that’s made me strong.
You see,
I could care-less
but it won’t make me careless.
You can try to understand me but still,
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER OVERSTAND ME!
Monday
Blue Pot
Just when I’m about to give up on hope, I always think about my Godfather Cecil. Uncle Cecil was a very beautiful person. No matter how upset you were with someone or something, Uncle Cecil was always able to put a smile on your face. Uncle Cecil was the person always being asked to be the Master of Ceremony for his retiring co-workers. Every new version of the electric slide dance that came out, Uncle Cecil was teaching me when I should have been teaching him. Uncle Cecil was my everything. We always used to place bets about my mother and her hair. My mom was always changing her hair, so you’d never know what to expect. So when she would come home after hours and money spent at the hairdresser, Uncle Cecil and I would try to figure out how long she would keep her new hair style. Back then, her style wouldn’t last a week. We would also make up our own words. Whenever my mom cooked and she had outdone herself Uncle Cecil and I would always say that the food was de-la-cious since it was better than delicious. Uncle Cecil was just so fun to be around. He had a way of making you see the brighter side of things.
Now, there’s this blue pot that sits on my mother’s stove that fools everyone. The only time that she keeps something in it, is when she makes any type of beans. Now when Uncle Cecil would come over for dinner or his lunch break, he had the same routine. Uncle C would always call to see if I wanted anything. My reply was always, anything with Oreo cookies in it. And at seven o’clock uncle C would pull up in the driveway, he’d come in and give me my goodies, go into the kitchen, wash his hands in the sink and then head straight to that blue pot. There were days when he found beans and there were days, well, there was just nothing in the pot. He was always happy to see something in the pot but when there was nothing in the pot, he seemed to be happy yet shocked and he would always say, maybe tomorrow.
Before I went to school each morning my dad would leave me money so that I could get breakfast and lunch at school and after my after school activities I had money to either get something from the pizza shop or the Chinese restaurant. So I was prepared for when my mom didn’t cook. When I would get home, I’d finish up my homework and wait for my uncle to call and ask if I wanted anything but I never understood why he would never ask if my mom cooked. Once he got there, he went through with his routine. Sometimes I would want him to go straight to that blue pot when mommy didn’t cook but he never did. I always liked to see the smile on his face when he found nothing in the pot. Even after three days of finding nothing, on that fourth day he would still take the top off of the blue pot just to find another day that mommy hadn’t cooked. But he’d never stop lifting the top off of that pot.
In 1993 my uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer. After being diagnosed, the only thing that was different about him was that he stopped smoking. Uncle Cecil still continued to live his life the way he was already living it. In the beginning stages of his cancer uncle Cecil had two bouts with pneumonia. The first time he had pneumonia, when we went to visit him, we had to wear masks so that our germs couldn’t come in contact with him even if we weren’t sick. Eventually he got better and we continued to play the guessing game with mommy and her hair. And he still continued to look into the blue pot. Some days he got lucky and on those other days, I was able to enjoy his smile followed by, maybe tomorrow.
Later that year we moved. When we moved into our new home, mommy made sure that she put that blue pot on the stove. Uncle Cecil still came over but now he would come over earlier since he was no longer working. When he would get there, he’d go straight to that blue pot to find nothing. He thought maybe since we moved to a new house mommy would change. NOT!
Even though Uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer he was still in good spirits. He never let it get him down, which made him having Cancer easier for me. I never had the thought that he would be leaving me anytime soon.
In January of 1994, Uncle Cecil got really sick and was hospitalized. My mom spent her days and nights in the hospital by his side. Whenever I would come home from school and she wasn’t there, I knew exactly where she was. I would find myself in the kitchen and knowing that there was nothing in the pot, I would lift the top and smile. Every night that I did that, my mother would come home and say that Uncle Cecil was fine.
One night I was home studying for mid-terms, my mom came home and told me that I had to go visit my uncle in the hospital. I guess she knew that he was going to die at any time and she wanted me to see him one last time, even if, I had to visit him every day that week. At that time, I never thought about it as it being his last day, I was just happy to go visit uncle C. I wasn’t ready for what I was about to see. When we got to his room, Uncle Cecil wasn’t Uncle Cecil. Uncle Cecil was just a skeleton with skin covering his bones. He was trying so hard to sit up on his arm but he was steadily shaking. I had never seen my uncle like that and I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want him to see me cry and the fact that he didn’t recognize me made things worse for me. I ran out the room but mommy was right behind me. She told that Uncle Cecil couldn’t see me crying and I had to go back into the room. As I was wiping my tears heading back to the room, I thought about the blue pot and walked into the room. When I got there my brother was in there talking to Uncle Cecil who wasn’t able to respond. He was still trying to sit up and he was still shaking. As I looked at Uncle Cecil I kept thinking about that blue pot and I smiled. I knew that even though Uncle Cecil wasn’t going to make it, I still had the blue pot. When visiting hours were over with, we all left and headed home. My dad was home from work, so it had been a little after eleven when the hospital called. Mommy was on her way back to the hospital to collect Uncle Cecil’s things.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. When mommy gets her hair done, depending on the style, I still don’t know how long she’ll keep the style. Whenever my mom cooks, her food is still de-la-cious. I also now know why Uncle Cecil continued to take the top off of that pot. It was all about hope. The more you hope for something to happen it’ll happen. But in order to make it happen you have to have faith. At that time I didn’t understand but as I’ve gotten older………I now understand
Now, there’s this blue pot that sits on my mother’s stove that fools everyone. The only time that she keeps something in it, is when she makes any type of beans. Now when Uncle Cecil would come over for dinner or his lunch break, he had the same routine. Uncle C would always call to see if I wanted anything. My reply was always, anything with Oreo cookies in it. And at seven o’clock uncle C would pull up in the driveway, he’d come in and give me my goodies, go into the kitchen, wash his hands in the sink and then head straight to that blue pot. There were days when he found beans and there were days, well, there was just nothing in the pot. He was always happy to see something in the pot but when there was nothing in the pot, he seemed to be happy yet shocked and he would always say, maybe tomorrow.
Before I went to school each morning my dad would leave me money so that I could get breakfast and lunch at school and after my after school activities I had money to either get something from the pizza shop or the Chinese restaurant. So I was prepared for when my mom didn’t cook. When I would get home, I’d finish up my homework and wait for my uncle to call and ask if I wanted anything but I never understood why he would never ask if my mom cooked. Once he got there, he went through with his routine. Sometimes I would want him to go straight to that blue pot when mommy didn’t cook but he never did. I always liked to see the smile on his face when he found nothing in the pot. Even after three days of finding nothing, on that fourth day he would still take the top off of the blue pot just to find another day that mommy hadn’t cooked. But he’d never stop lifting the top off of that pot.
In 1993 my uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer. After being diagnosed, the only thing that was different about him was that he stopped smoking. Uncle Cecil still continued to live his life the way he was already living it. In the beginning stages of his cancer uncle Cecil had two bouts with pneumonia. The first time he had pneumonia, when we went to visit him, we had to wear masks so that our germs couldn’t come in contact with him even if we weren’t sick. Eventually he got better and we continued to play the guessing game with mommy and her hair. And he still continued to look into the blue pot. Some days he got lucky and on those other days, I was able to enjoy his smile followed by, maybe tomorrow.
Later that year we moved. When we moved into our new home, mommy made sure that she put that blue pot on the stove. Uncle Cecil still came over but now he would come over earlier since he was no longer working. When he would get there, he’d go straight to that blue pot to find nothing. He thought maybe since we moved to a new house mommy would change. NOT!
Even though Uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer he was still in good spirits. He never let it get him down, which made him having Cancer easier for me. I never had the thought that he would be leaving me anytime soon.
In January of 1994, Uncle Cecil got really sick and was hospitalized. My mom spent her days and nights in the hospital by his side. Whenever I would come home from school and she wasn’t there, I knew exactly where she was. I would find myself in the kitchen and knowing that there was nothing in the pot, I would lift the top and smile. Every night that I did that, my mother would come home and say that Uncle Cecil was fine.
One night I was home studying for mid-terms, my mom came home and told me that I had to go visit my uncle in the hospital. I guess she knew that he was going to die at any time and she wanted me to see him one last time, even if, I had to visit him every day that week. At that time, I never thought about it as it being his last day, I was just happy to go visit uncle C. I wasn’t ready for what I was about to see. When we got to his room, Uncle Cecil wasn’t Uncle Cecil. Uncle Cecil was just a skeleton with skin covering his bones. He was trying so hard to sit up on his arm but he was steadily shaking. I had never seen my uncle like that and I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want him to see me cry and the fact that he didn’t recognize me made things worse for me. I ran out the room but mommy was right behind me. She told that Uncle Cecil couldn’t see me crying and I had to go back into the room. As I was wiping my tears heading back to the room, I thought about the blue pot and walked into the room. When I got there my brother was in there talking to Uncle Cecil who wasn’t able to respond. He was still trying to sit up and he was still shaking. As I looked at Uncle Cecil I kept thinking about that blue pot and I smiled. I knew that even though Uncle Cecil wasn’t going to make it, I still had the blue pot. When visiting hours were over with, we all left and headed home. My dad was home from work, so it had been a little after eleven when the hospital called. Mommy was on her way back to the hospital to collect Uncle Cecil’s things.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. When mommy gets her hair done, depending on the style, I still don’t know how long she’ll keep the style. Whenever my mom cooks, her food is still de-la-cious. I also now know why Uncle Cecil continued to take the top off of that pot. It was all about hope. The more you hope for something to happen it’ll happen. But in order to make it happen you have to have faith. At that time I didn’t understand but as I’ve gotten older………I now understand
Sunday
Sex Addict
In the midst of pacing her apartment Debra stopped. She grabbed her cell phone, scrolled through her contact list, found the first number and pressed the talk button.
“Hello.”
The sexy Barry White voice always caught her off guard. “Uh hey Will, what’s going on?”
“Debs, I was just thinking about you.”
“Good. Are you busy later?” Please let him say he’s free.
“I’m always free for you,” he said.
“I was thinking that maybe we could get together.” She walked in circles waiting for his reply.
“Dinner at our spot at 8 o’clock?”
“Perfect.” She sighed, remembering their last visit to the “spot.”
“I’ll see you then.”
Since it was only 5:30, she placed another call.
“Hello.”
“What’s going on, Larry?” She said with a smile.
“Nothing what’s up with you?”
“You.” Looking at the picture of them with friends on her mantle.
“How about a safe elevator ride?”
“See you in a minute.” A minute later they were in the elevator. Debra loved the fact that when she wanted sex there was someone in her building that could deliver. Especially when her boyfriend was out of town.
Whenever Debra met Larry in the elevator he was always ready to go. They went from the fourth to tenth floor, hit the emergency button somewhere between the tenth and seventh floor coming down. And by the time Debra made it back to the fourth floor and Larry to the third it was like nothing ever happened. This is what they liked to call a safe elevator ride.
“Thanks.” She walked out of the elevator.
“No, thank you.”
She headed back to her apartment and got ready. It was a warm summer’s night so she decided to wear a low cut dress that was fitted and revealing in all the right places.
After dinner they made their way back to his place where they were each other’s desserts. As Debra lay there trying to catch her breath, she heard Will snoring. That was her cue to quietly go since he wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon and since she was still full of energy perhaps she could get some more sex from Larry.
As she walked into her building she saw the elevator doors about to close. “Hold it!” She screamed and they re-opened. It was just her luck that Larry was in the elevator. They rode from the tenth floor and back to the fourth and since it was late they didn’t have to press the emergency button. When she got to her apartment, she showered and headed to bed.
The next morning she awoke to the telephone ringing. She looked at her clock and saw that it was only 10:30. “Hello,” she said, still half asleep and with a little attitude.
“I’m sorry, Debbie, did I wake you?”
The voice made her jump up. “No, no I was already up.” It was Richard who was one of the best lovers who she always had time for.
“I’m in your lobby. I’ll be up in a minute.”
She rushed into the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth. By the time she finished, Richard was at the door. For the majority of the day, they made passionate love.
After Richard left, Debra called her best friend, Stacy. Ever since Debra became sexually active, Stacy always thought Debra had a problem.
“Hey Stace, whatcha doin?” She asked whining in a childish manner.
“I was just about to call you and ask if you wanted to meet for dinner.”
“Great minds do think alike. How about the café?”
“Is an hour good?”
“Perfect, see you then.”
Debra hung up the phone, made her final adjustments and was out the door. After finding a parking space in the parking lot of the café she made her way inside. She and Stacy both ordered the night’s special along with apple martinis.
“So what have you been up to since Bryan’s been gone?” Stacy asked as she sipped on her martini.
“I’ve had two safe elevator rides with Larry one before dinner with Will and one after.”
Casually sipping on her drink. “You didn’t have sex with Will?”
“That was the point of going to dinner with him.”
“And naturally you had sex with Bryan before he left. So sex with Bryan, Larry, Will and Larry again?”
“Yep and today I woke up to Richard calling me from the lobby of my apartment building.”
“How many times have you had sex this week?”
“With or without Bryan?”
She threw Debra a strange look. “Including Bryan.”
“Let’s see. Uh including Bryan, I would have to say about thirty times.”
Stacy spit out her drink. “When don’t you have sex?”
“When I’m with you or my parents.” Who did Stacy think she was? It wasn’t as though she was a nun herself!
“You have a problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“But you do. You constantly cheat on Bryan. When you feel you’re sexually attracted to someone, somehow you manage to sleep with them. How many partners have you had?”
“When?”
“This year?”
What was the big deal? “I would have to say seventy.”
“And each and every time you’ve had sex you used protection?”
“The only time I don’t use protection is with Bryan.”
Reaching into her bag, Stacy shook her head. “Here take a look at this.”
“This is a sex addict’s questionnaire.”
“I know and here’s a pen.”
After reading and answering the questions, she handed the paper back to Stacy.
“There you go. I answered the questions are you happy?”
“Debra Thomas, out of thirty questions only five of them are no and the rest are yes. Do you know what that means?”
“I’m a sex addict,” she said sarcastically.
“You need help.”
“The only help I need is from a man and/or from batteries.”
“You are sick.”
When Debra got back home from dinner, she got comfortable and began to surf the internet finding out more about sex addiction. The more she read the more she realized that she was in fact a sex addict. What was she to do? That night she went to bed without going in her goodie drawer.
The next morning she went over to her desk and dialed the number that she wrote down on a pad. She figured at least she’d recognized her problem, which was the first step. When the voice on the other end finished, she spoke. “Hi my name is Debra and I’d like to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about my sex addiction."
“Hello.”
The sexy Barry White voice always caught her off guard. “Uh hey Will, what’s going on?”
“Debs, I was just thinking about you.”
“Good. Are you busy later?” Please let him say he’s free.
“I’m always free for you,” he said.
“I was thinking that maybe we could get together.” She walked in circles waiting for his reply.
“Dinner at our spot at 8 o’clock?”
“Perfect.” She sighed, remembering their last visit to the “spot.”
“I’ll see you then.”
Since it was only 5:30, she placed another call.
“Hello.”
“What’s going on, Larry?” She said with a smile.
“Nothing what’s up with you?”
“You.” Looking at the picture of them with friends on her mantle.
“How about a safe elevator ride?”
“See you in a minute.” A minute later they were in the elevator. Debra loved the fact that when she wanted sex there was someone in her building that could deliver. Especially when her boyfriend was out of town.
Whenever Debra met Larry in the elevator he was always ready to go. They went from the fourth to tenth floor, hit the emergency button somewhere between the tenth and seventh floor coming down. And by the time Debra made it back to the fourth floor and Larry to the third it was like nothing ever happened. This is what they liked to call a safe elevator ride.
“Thanks.” She walked out of the elevator.
“No, thank you.”
She headed back to her apartment and got ready. It was a warm summer’s night so she decided to wear a low cut dress that was fitted and revealing in all the right places.
After dinner they made their way back to his place where they were each other’s desserts. As Debra lay there trying to catch her breath, she heard Will snoring. That was her cue to quietly go since he wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon and since she was still full of energy perhaps she could get some more sex from Larry.
As she walked into her building she saw the elevator doors about to close. “Hold it!” She screamed and they re-opened. It was just her luck that Larry was in the elevator. They rode from the tenth floor and back to the fourth and since it was late they didn’t have to press the emergency button. When she got to her apartment, she showered and headed to bed.
The next morning she awoke to the telephone ringing. She looked at her clock and saw that it was only 10:30. “Hello,” she said, still half asleep and with a little attitude.
“I’m sorry, Debbie, did I wake you?”
The voice made her jump up. “No, no I was already up.” It was Richard who was one of the best lovers who she always had time for.
“I’m in your lobby. I’ll be up in a minute.”
She rushed into the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth. By the time she finished, Richard was at the door. For the majority of the day, they made passionate love.
After Richard left, Debra called her best friend, Stacy. Ever since Debra became sexually active, Stacy always thought Debra had a problem.
“Hey Stace, whatcha doin?” She asked whining in a childish manner.
“I was just about to call you and ask if you wanted to meet for dinner.”
“Great minds do think alike. How about the café?”
“Is an hour good?”
“Perfect, see you then.”
Debra hung up the phone, made her final adjustments and was out the door. After finding a parking space in the parking lot of the café she made her way inside. She and Stacy both ordered the night’s special along with apple martinis.
“So what have you been up to since Bryan’s been gone?” Stacy asked as she sipped on her martini.
“I’ve had two safe elevator rides with Larry one before dinner with Will and one after.”
Casually sipping on her drink. “You didn’t have sex with Will?”
“That was the point of going to dinner with him.”
“And naturally you had sex with Bryan before he left. So sex with Bryan, Larry, Will and Larry again?”
“Yep and today I woke up to Richard calling me from the lobby of my apartment building.”
“How many times have you had sex this week?”
“With or without Bryan?”
She threw Debra a strange look. “Including Bryan.”
“Let’s see. Uh including Bryan, I would have to say about thirty times.”
Stacy spit out her drink. “When don’t you have sex?”
“When I’m with you or my parents.” Who did Stacy think she was? It wasn’t as though she was a nun herself!
“You have a problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“But you do. You constantly cheat on Bryan. When you feel you’re sexually attracted to someone, somehow you manage to sleep with them. How many partners have you had?”
“When?”
“This year?”
What was the big deal? “I would have to say seventy.”
“And each and every time you’ve had sex you used protection?”
“The only time I don’t use protection is with Bryan.”
Reaching into her bag, Stacy shook her head. “Here take a look at this.”
“This is a sex addict’s questionnaire.”
“I know and here’s a pen.”
After reading and answering the questions, she handed the paper back to Stacy.
“There you go. I answered the questions are you happy?”
“Debra Thomas, out of thirty questions only five of them are no and the rest are yes. Do you know what that means?”
“I’m a sex addict,” she said sarcastically.
“You need help.”
“The only help I need is from a man and/or from batteries.”
“You are sick.”
When Debra got back home from dinner, she got comfortable and began to surf the internet finding out more about sex addiction. The more she read the more she realized that she was in fact a sex addict. What was she to do? That night she went to bed without going in her goodie drawer.
The next morning she went over to her desk and dialed the number that she wrote down on a pad. She figured at least she’d recognized her problem, which was the first step. When the voice on the other end finished, she spoke. “Hi my name is Debra and I’d like to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about my sex addiction."
Heart Speak
It was three in the morning when Andy called. The loudly ringing telephone woke me up out of my peaceful sleep.
“I just called to let you know that I’ll be picking you up at the train station tomorrow. Love you now go back to sleep.”
How did he expect me to go back to sleep with my heart rapidly beating? I laid there thinking about his 6 foot 3 muscular frame, his enticing peek-a-boo line and sexy abs. I could feel his soft manly hands touching my body with his brown puppy dog eyes piercing through me. With that, I eventually went back to sleep.
For the past two weeks our schedules made it impossible for us to see each other so I was eager to see Andy. Finally we arrived and I stepped off the train looking for him. As I looked around I spotted a familiar face. A face that I hadn’t seen in two years and that’s the way I wanted to keep it. As I walked around looking for Andy I could feel someone watching me. I reached for my cell phone and before I could press send, there he was.
Lance was 6 foot 5 inches with a very muscular body. He was a small forward for a basketball team overseas. His round face, deep dimples and hazel eyes always made me melt. His chocolate brown complexion always made me crave a chocolate bar. I suddenly felt a tooth hurt as my heart beat out of control. I could see my chest moving in and out.
“Mia, I knew it was you.” He gave me a hug.
“Hi Lance, how are you?”
Lance and I have known each other since high school. It wasn’t until college that we started dating. After we graduated we agreed to remain a couple. He went to Germany and naturally I was a frequent visitor. Everything was good between us -- at least that’s what I thought.
Two months of not seeing each other and only talking over the phone, I began to crave some chocolate. That phone-call was a call I wasn’t prepared for. All I remember hearing was, “Mia, I’m standing here talking to my wife, can I call you back?” Ouch! Today was our first time seeing each since that call.
“I’m doing fine. I was hoping that I’d see you?”
Sarcastically, “For what? To tell me you have kids?”
“I guess I deserve that.” He noticed that I was looking around.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yes and as a matter of fact he’s here.” I actually gave him a hug and as I tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Every feeling that I thought I got rid of came back. It’s kind of funny because just a couple of weeks ago my best friend Marcus and I were looking through his photo albums and came across a picture of me and Lance. We looked so happy together.
“You’re still in love with him,” Marcus said as he saw me looking at the picture.
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh but that look says something else.”
“Uh I’ve been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Did you forget?”
“Or have you been passing time while you wait for Lance to return?” That was the first time that Marcus left me speechless. Was he right?
“Can I come visit you tomorrow?” Lance whispered in my ear.
I was melting. “I’ll be at my mother’s.” As I tried to pull away he wouldn’t let me go but I managed to get away. I ran over to Andy and jumped into his arms. “Hey honey.”
“Hey sweetness how was your day?” he asked as we walked to his car.
I looked back at Lance. “Interesting.”
While at dinner with Andy I felt like I wasn’t completely there. My body was there but my mind and soul weren’t. They were still at the train station with Lance. Needless to say, I made it through.
We went to our future home. I laid there in bed that night tossing and turning with Lance on my mind. What could he possibly have to say to me? When Lance told me he was married I headed straight to Marcus’ and cried on his shoulder for days. That hug made me think that maybe Marcus was right. Could it be that I really wasn’t over Lance and Andy was just occupying my time until he came back? As I looked at Andy sleeping I began to think perhaps my heart was secretly trying to tell me something. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night.
When I got to my mother’s the next day, sitting on the porch with her was Lance. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went on her way. We sat outside for hours talking. He’s no longer married and has a son. Before leaving he told me that he hoped that there could be an “us”. My mind quickly shot back to the day he told me he was married. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in two months we were still a couple and that wasn’t right. And even though my heart beats a hundred miles a minute for him, who’s to say something like that wouldn’t happen again?
“Lance.”
Turning around, “Yes.”
“It’s been two years since I last saw you. That phone call hurt like hell. It’s been difficult but I managed to move on. The way that my heart still beats for you, I could easily tell you that there could be an “us” but I’m not. In my mind I always thought that we’d be together again but I met a great guy who would never hurt me. I’m always going to love you but you hurt me once and I can’t allow you to hurt me again. So if it’s alright with you I would like for us to be friends.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“It’s best.”
We hugged for the last time. That was three years ago and Andy and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
“I just called to let you know that I’ll be picking you up at the train station tomorrow. Love you now go back to sleep.”
How did he expect me to go back to sleep with my heart rapidly beating? I laid there thinking about his 6 foot 3 muscular frame, his enticing peek-a-boo line and sexy abs. I could feel his soft manly hands touching my body with his brown puppy dog eyes piercing through me. With that, I eventually went back to sleep.
For the past two weeks our schedules made it impossible for us to see each other so I was eager to see Andy. Finally we arrived and I stepped off the train looking for him. As I looked around I spotted a familiar face. A face that I hadn’t seen in two years and that’s the way I wanted to keep it. As I walked around looking for Andy I could feel someone watching me. I reached for my cell phone and before I could press send, there he was.
Lance was 6 foot 5 inches with a very muscular body. He was a small forward for a basketball team overseas. His round face, deep dimples and hazel eyes always made me melt. His chocolate brown complexion always made me crave a chocolate bar. I suddenly felt a tooth hurt as my heart beat out of control. I could see my chest moving in and out.
“Mia, I knew it was you.” He gave me a hug.
“Hi Lance, how are you?”
Lance and I have known each other since high school. It wasn’t until college that we started dating. After we graduated we agreed to remain a couple. He went to Germany and naturally I was a frequent visitor. Everything was good between us -- at least that’s what I thought.
Two months of not seeing each other and only talking over the phone, I began to crave some chocolate. That phone-call was a call I wasn’t prepared for. All I remember hearing was, “Mia, I’m standing here talking to my wife, can I call you back?” Ouch! Today was our first time seeing each since that call.
“I’m doing fine. I was hoping that I’d see you?”
Sarcastically, “For what? To tell me you have kids?”
“I guess I deserve that.” He noticed that I was looking around.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yes and as a matter of fact he’s here.” I actually gave him a hug and as I tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Every feeling that I thought I got rid of came back. It’s kind of funny because just a couple of weeks ago my best friend Marcus and I were looking through his photo albums and came across a picture of me and Lance. We looked so happy together.
“You’re still in love with him,” Marcus said as he saw me looking at the picture.
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh but that look says something else.”
“Uh I’ve been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Did you forget?”
“Or have you been passing time while you wait for Lance to return?” That was the first time that Marcus left me speechless. Was he right?
“Can I come visit you tomorrow?” Lance whispered in my ear.
I was melting. “I’ll be at my mother’s.” As I tried to pull away he wouldn’t let me go but I managed to get away. I ran over to Andy and jumped into his arms. “Hey honey.”
“Hey sweetness how was your day?” he asked as we walked to his car.
I looked back at Lance. “Interesting.”
While at dinner with Andy I felt like I wasn’t completely there. My body was there but my mind and soul weren’t. They were still at the train station with Lance. Needless to say, I made it through.
We went to our future home. I laid there in bed that night tossing and turning with Lance on my mind. What could he possibly have to say to me? When Lance told me he was married I headed straight to Marcus’ and cried on his shoulder for days. That hug made me think that maybe Marcus was right. Could it be that I really wasn’t over Lance and Andy was just occupying my time until he came back? As I looked at Andy sleeping I began to think perhaps my heart was secretly trying to tell me something. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night.
When I got to my mother’s the next day, sitting on the porch with her was Lance. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went on her way. We sat outside for hours talking. He’s no longer married and has a son. Before leaving he told me that he hoped that there could be an “us”. My mind quickly shot back to the day he told me he was married. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in two months we were still a couple and that wasn’t right. And even though my heart beats a hundred miles a minute for him, who’s to say something like that wouldn’t happen again?
“Lance.”
Turning around, “Yes.”
“It’s been two years since I last saw you. That phone call hurt like hell. It’s been difficult but I managed to move on. The way that my heart still beats for you, I could easily tell you that there could be an “us” but I’m not. In my mind I always thought that we’d be together again but I met a great guy who would never hurt me. I’m always going to love you but you hurt me once and I can’t allow you to hurt me again. So if it’s alright with you I would like for us to be friends.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“It’s best.”
We hugged for the last time. That was three years ago and Andy and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
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