Every day I examine my life and I ask my self, is this the life I wanted for myself? My answer is an honest no.
I never really wanted kids but wouldn't be mad if I got pregnant and if I got pregnant I wanted a boy. I've been blessed with two beautiful boys that I couldn't imagine my life without. They are two years apart and are truly the loves of my life.
These two boys are also the two reasons why I examine my life damn near every day. Before they came along I was pursuing a dream. I had already started my plan and by the time my first son came I was at M and that's where I've been for the last five years. It feels as though I've given up but I know that I haven't because the passion is still there.
I also always think about what I could have done had I made better choices. What if I didn't go through some of the things that I went through. Would I still have my boys? would I be in my current relationship? Would I be at Z getting ready to start all over again with something new?
Sometimes I think I examine my life too much. I often think what if I had done the opposite of what I did. I don't regret any of my experiences or choices that I've made because those experiences and choices have helped me become the person I am today.
As I sit here and type I'm examining my life now asking my self what am I doing? Did I lose my self in motherhood? If so when? Am I making the right decisions? What am I doing wrong? Don't get it twisted I love my lil guys but before I had them I just pretty much did whatever I wanted to, now I have to think before I do. Now I'm asking my self, am I doing what I can for them? How can I make their tomorrow better than today? What can I do now so that they have a promising future?
Just more questions in my head that makes me re-examine my life. I have examined my life today, yesterday and most likely I will examine my life tomorrow.
Do you examine your life enough?
