When I first said that I wanted to be a writer, I had no one to guide me in the right direction. I dove in head first without knowing a single thing. I always thought, you submit to a publisher and they either said yes or no. I never knew that writers were represented by agents and publishing is not as easy as I thought. With many years of educating myself on the publishing and writing industry, I am now a published author. :^) What a feeling just to say that I followed my dreams and look where it led me!
With following my dream, I have now put myself in a position where struggling writers want to know how I got started, what path did I take and/or how I kept going with having doors shut in my face sort of speak and hearing the word no. I simply tell them that writing is something that I want to do. Writing wasn't forced on me, it is my passion and when I write, I'm extremely happy inside and out. Being that writing was my passion and a career I wanted to pursue, I simply followed through.
Many of us get caught up with what we are "supposed" to do but never get caught up with our dreams and goals. It's often because there isn't anyone there to help us or push us to follow through. I can admit that it is also hard just to start some where but in all actuality it's very simple.
We all hear of success stories of people starting new businesses or a new career and we are amazed. We think to ourselves, how can I accomplish something to that extent or even something simple?
Here's how, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to believe that you will succeed. For every negative thought you have, turn into a positive thought. I know that it very simple to do but sometimes it's not that simple. People need motivation and that's understandable but if you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect for someone else to believe in you.
Thursday
Wednesday
Reflection: Jail or Milk Carton
Have you ever reflected on the things that you've done in the past? Sometimes when you think back you're like, WOW!!!!!!!! Let me share a one of my reflections, well actually two.
First Reflection: Jail
When I was in college, I'll never forget it, this guy must have stole some book vouchers for financial aid students. Now when you cash them in, you get cash back. So one day I was headed into the bookstore and he gave me the voucher and boom, I went in, made a purchase and gave the change to him.......I don't remember how long after that detectives rang my doorbell, put me in the back of the car(no handcuffs...whew!!!!) and headed to the Sheriff's Department, no not the local police station but to the Sheriff's Department. There, they asked me some questions and after oh let's say an hour they took me back home because they saw that I was someone who looked at the situation as not having to use my own money and the person was a friend so........NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GOT EVEN WITH THAT PERSON WHO GAVE ME THE VOUCHER!!!!!!! Even that revenge could have sent my behind to Federal Prison.......yeah but hey I was young and didn't know any better.
Second Reflection: Milk Carton
I don't mean to toot my own horn but I'm not a bad looking female. I'm tall and slim and in the summer time or whenever it's hot I like to show off my 36 inch long legs. So a lot of times I don't approach men, men approach me. I remember being approached by this guy. He was driving around with his homeboy and it seemed like every where I was they were. So after a while of that, I remember being on W.8th St. and he got my attention. Next thing I know, I'm in a hotel room near LaGuardia Airport. Yeah I went from Manhattan to Queens. The guy was real nice and his homeboy was a sweetheart. Now I'm blessed that they didn't kill me but now that I think about it........I could have been on the back of a milk carton. I didn't tell anyone where I was until they saw me the next day. And yes my cell phone was fully charged.
When we are young we all do crazy things but for me a end result for a majority of the things I've done.............I'd be one of those faces either on the back of a milk carton or on file some where as missing.
First Reflection: Jail
When I was in college, I'll never forget it, this guy must have stole some book vouchers for financial aid students. Now when you cash them in, you get cash back. So one day I was headed into the bookstore and he gave me the voucher and boom, I went in, made a purchase and gave the change to him.......I don't remember how long after that detectives rang my doorbell, put me in the back of the car(no handcuffs...whew!!!!) and headed to the Sheriff's Department, no not the local police station but to the Sheriff's Department. There, they asked me some questions and after oh let's say an hour they took me back home because they saw that I was someone who looked at the situation as not having to use my own money and the person was a friend so........NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GOT EVEN WITH THAT PERSON WHO GAVE ME THE VOUCHER!!!!!!! Even that revenge could have sent my behind to Federal Prison.......yeah but hey I was young and didn't know any better.
Second Reflection: Milk Carton
I don't mean to toot my own horn but I'm not a bad looking female. I'm tall and slim and in the summer time or whenever it's hot I like to show off my 36 inch long legs. So a lot of times I don't approach men, men approach me. I remember being approached by this guy. He was driving around with his homeboy and it seemed like every where I was they were. So after a while of that, I remember being on W.8th St. and he got my attention. Next thing I know, I'm in a hotel room near LaGuardia Airport. Yeah I went from Manhattan to Queens. The guy was real nice and his homeboy was a sweetheart. Now I'm blessed that they didn't kill me but now that I think about it........I could have been on the back of a milk carton. I didn't tell anyone where I was until they saw me the next day. And yes my cell phone was fully charged.
When we are young we all do crazy things but for me a end result for a majority of the things I've done.............I'd be one of those faces either on the back of a milk carton or on file some where as missing.
Tuesday
I Don't Think You Understand
You see,
I’ma complex young lady,
do I want you to understand me?
Well, uh, maybe.
You see,
I went from sugar-n-spice and
everything nice to bitter & naughty
with a dash of nice.
Now, well, I’m just me.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from hating pain and
loving pleasure to accepting pain
and OVER-standing pleasure.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from loving love
which is often over-rated
to accepting hate which allowed me
to OVER-stand love.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I went from weak to strong, strong
to weak,
NOW NOTHING CAN BREAK ME!
But for some reason,
I still don’t think you understand.
It’s not the positive that makes
me but its all that has went wrong
that’s made me strong.
You see,
I could care-less
but it won’t make me careless.
You can try to understand me but still,
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER OVERSTAND ME!
I’ma complex young lady,
do I want you to understand me?
Well, uh, maybe.
You see,
I went from sugar-n-spice and
everything nice to bitter & naughty
with a dash of nice.
Now, well, I’m just me.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from hating pain and
loving pleasure to accepting pain
and OVER-standing pleasure.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I’ve went from loving love
which is often over-rated
to accepting hate which allowed me
to OVER-stand love.
But still, I don’t think you understand.
I went from weak to strong, strong
to weak,
NOW NOTHING CAN BREAK ME!
But for some reason,
I still don’t think you understand.
It’s not the positive that makes
me but its all that has went wrong
that’s made me strong.
You see,
I could care-less
but it won’t make me careless.
You can try to understand me but still,
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER OVERSTAND ME!
Monday
Blue Pot
Just when I’m about to give up on hope, I always think about my Godfather Cecil. Uncle Cecil was a very beautiful person. No matter how upset you were with someone or something, Uncle Cecil was always able to put a smile on your face. Uncle Cecil was the person always being asked to be the Master of Ceremony for his retiring co-workers. Every new version of the electric slide dance that came out, Uncle Cecil was teaching me when I should have been teaching him. Uncle Cecil was my everything. We always used to place bets about my mother and her hair. My mom was always changing her hair, so you’d never know what to expect. So when she would come home after hours and money spent at the hairdresser, Uncle Cecil and I would try to figure out how long she would keep her new hair style. Back then, her style wouldn’t last a week. We would also make up our own words. Whenever my mom cooked and she had outdone herself Uncle Cecil and I would always say that the food was de-la-cious since it was better than delicious. Uncle Cecil was just so fun to be around. He had a way of making you see the brighter side of things.
Now, there’s this blue pot that sits on my mother’s stove that fools everyone. The only time that she keeps something in it, is when she makes any type of beans. Now when Uncle Cecil would come over for dinner or his lunch break, he had the same routine. Uncle C would always call to see if I wanted anything. My reply was always, anything with Oreo cookies in it. And at seven o’clock uncle C would pull up in the driveway, he’d come in and give me my goodies, go into the kitchen, wash his hands in the sink and then head straight to that blue pot. There were days when he found beans and there were days, well, there was just nothing in the pot. He was always happy to see something in the pot but when there was nothing in the pot, he seemed to be happy yet shocked and he would always say, maybe tomorrow.
Before I went to school each morning my dad would leave me money so that I could get breakfast and lunch at school and after my after school activities I had money to either get something from the pizza shop or the Chinese restaurant. So I was prepared for when my mom didn’t cook. When I would get home, I’d finish up my homework and wait for my uncle to call and ask if I wanted anything but I never understood why he would never ask if my mom cooked. Once he got there, he went through with his routine. Sometimes I would want him to go straight to that blue pot when mommy didn’t cook but he never did. I always liked to see the smile on his face when he found nothing in the pot. Even after three days of finding nothing, on that fourth day he would still take the top off of the blue pot just to find another day that mommy hadn’t cooked. But he’d never stop lifting the top off of that pot.
In 1993 my uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer. After being diagnosed, the only thing that was different about him was that he stopped smoking. Uncle Cecil still continued to live his life the way he was already living it. In the beginning stages of his cancer uncle Cecil had two bouts with pneumonia. The first time he had pneumonia, when we went to visit him, we had to wear masks so that our germs couldn’t come in contact with him even if we weren’t sick. Eventually he got better and we continued to play the guessing game with mommy and her hair. And he still continued to look into the blue pot. Some days he got lucky and on those other days, I was able to enjoy his smile followed by, maybe tomorrow.
Later that year we moved. When we moved into our new home, mommy made sure that she put that blue pot on the stove. Uncle Cecil still came over but now he would come over earlier since he was no longer working. When he would get there, he’d go straight to that blue pot to find nothing. He thought maybe since we moved to a new house mommy would change. NOT!
Even though Uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer he was still in good spirits. He never let it get him down, which made him having Cancer easier for me. I never had the thought that he would be leaving me anytime soon.
In January of 1994, Uncle Cecil got really sick and was hospitalized. My mom spent her days and nights in the hospital by his side. Whenever I would come home from school and she wasn’t there, I knew exactly where she was. I would find myself in the kitchen and knowing that there was nothing in the pot, I would lift the top and smile. Every night that I did that, my mother would come home and say that Uncle Cecil was fine.
One night I was home studying for mid-terms, my mom came home and told me that I had to go visit my uncle in the hospital. I guess she knew that he was going to die at any time and she wanted me to see him one last time, even if, I had to visit him every day that week. At that time, I never thought about it as it being his last day, I was just happy to go visit uncle C. I wasn’t ready for what I was about to see. When we got to his room, Uncle Cecil wasn’t Uncle Cecil. Uncle Cecil was just a skeleton with skin covering his bones. He was trying so hard to sit up on his arm but he was steadily shaking. I had never seen my uncle like that and I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want him to see me cry and the fact that he didn’t recognize me made things worse for me. I ran out the room but mommy was right behind me. She told that Uncle Cecil couldn’t see me crying and I had to go back into the room. As I was wiping my tears heading back to the room, I thought about the blue pot and walked into the room. When I got there my brother was in there talking to Uncle Cecil who wasn’t able to respond. He was still trying to sit up and he was still shaking. As I looked at Uncle Cecil I kept thinking about that blue pot and I smiled. I knew that even though Uncle Cecil wasn’t going to make it, I still had the blue pot. When visiting hours were over with, we all left and headed home. My dad was home from work, so it had been a little after eleven when the hospital called. Mommy was on her way back to the hospital to collect Uncle Cecil’s things.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. When mommy gets her hair done, depending on the style, I still don’t know how long she’ll keep the style. Whenever my mom cooks, her food is still de-la-cious. I also now know why Uncle Cecil continued to take the top off of that pot. It was all about hope. The more you hope for something to happen it’ll happen. But in order to make it happen you have to have faith. At that time I didn’t understand but as I’ve gotten older………I now understand
Now, there’s this blue pot that sits on my mother’s stove that fools everyone. The only time that she keeps something in it, is when she makes any type of beans. Now when Uncle Cecil would come over for dinner or his lunch break, he had the same routine. Uncle C would always call to see if I wanted anything. My reply was always, anything with Oreo cookies in it. And at seven o’clock uncle C would pull up in the driveway, he’d come in and give me my goodies, go into the kitchen, wash his hands in the sink and then head straight to that blue pot. There were days when he found beans and there were days, well, there was just nothing in the pot. He was always happy to see something in the pot but when there was nothing in the pot, he seemed to be happy yet shocked and he would always say, maybe tomorrow.
Before I went to school each morning my dad would leave me money so that I could get breakfast and lunch at school and after my after school activities I had money to either get something from the pizza shop or the Chinese restaurant. So I was prepared for when my mom didn’t cook. When I would get home, I’d finish up my homework and wait for my uncle to call and ask if I wanted anything but I never understood why he would never ask if my mom cooked. Once he got there, he went through with his routine. Sometimes I would want him to go straight to that blue pot when mommy didn’t cook but he never did. I always liked to see the smile on his face when he found nothing in the pot. Even after three days of finding nothing, on that fourth day he would still take the top off of the blue pot just to find another day that mommy hadn’t cooked. But he’d never stop lifting the top off of that pot.
In 1993 my uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer. After being diagnosed, the only thing that was different about him was that he stopped smoking. Uncle Cecil still continued to live his life the way he was already living it. In the beginning stages of his cancer uncle Cecil had two bouts with pneumonia. The first time he had pneumonia, when we went to visit him, we had to wear masks so that our germs couldn’t come in contact with him even if we weren’t sick. Eventually he got better and we continued to play the guessing game with mommy and her hair. And he still continued to look into the blue pot. Some days he got lucky and on those other days, I was able to enjoy his smile followed by, maybe tomorrow.
Later that year we moved. When we moved into our new home, mommy made sure that she put that blue pot on the stove. Uncle Cecil still came over but now he would come over earlier since he was no longer working. When he would get there, he’d go straight to that blue pot to find nothing. He thought maybe since we moved to a new house mommy would change. NOT!
Even though Uncle Cecil was diagnosed with Cancer he was still in good spirits. He never let it get him down, which made him having Cancer easier for me. I never had the thought that he would be leaving me anytime soon.
In January of 1994, Uncle Cecil got really sick and was hospitalized. My mom spent her days and nights in the hospital by his side. Whenever I would come home from school and she wasn’t there, I knew exactly where she was. I would find myself in the kitchen and knowing that there was nothing in the pot, I would lift the top and smile. Every night that I did that, my mother would come home and say that Uncle Cecil was fine.
One night I was home studying for mid-terms, my mom came home and told me that I had to go visit my uncle in the hospital. I guess she knew that he was going to die at any time and she wanted me to see him one last time, even if, I had to visit him every day that week. At that time, I never thought about it as it being his last day, I was just happy to go visit uncle C. I wasn’t ready for what I was about to see. When we got to his room, Uncle Cecil wasn’t Uncle Cecil. Uncle Cecil was just a skeleton with skin covering his bones. He was trying so hard to sit up on his arm but he was steadily shaking. I had never seen my uncle like that and I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want him to see me cry and the fact that he didn’t recognize me made things worse for me. I ran out the room but mommy was right behind me. She told that Uncle Cecil couldn’t see me crying and I had to go back into the room. As I was wiping my tears heading back to the room, I thought about the blue pot and walked into the room. When I got there my brother was in there talking to Uncle Cecil who wasn’t able to respond. He was still trying to sit up and he was still shaking. As I looked at Uncle Cecil I kept thinking about that blue pot and I smiled. I knew that even though Uncle Cecil wasn’t going to make it, I still had the blue pot. When visiting hours were over with, we all left and headed home. My dad was home from work, so it had been a little after eleven when the hospital called. Mommy was on her way back to the hospital to collect Uncle Cecil’s things.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. When mommy gets her hair done, depending on the style, I still don’t know how long she’ll keep the style. Whenever my mom cooks, her food is still de-la-cious. I also now know why Uncle Cecil continued to take the top off of that pot. It was all about hope. The more you hope for something to happen it’ll happen. But in order to make it happen you have to have faith. At that time I didn’t understand but as I’ve gotten older………I now understand
Sunday
Sex Addict
In the midst of pacing her apartment Debra stopped. She grabbed her cell phone, scrolled through her contact list, found the first number and pressed the talk button.
“Hello.”
The sexy Barry White voice always caught her off guard. “Uh hey Will, what’s going on?”
“Debs, I was just thinking about you.”
“Good. Are you busy later?” Please let him say he’s free.
“I’m always free for you,” he said.
“I was thinking that maybe we could get together.” She walked in circles waiting for his reply.
“Dinner at our spot at 8 o’clock?”
“Perfect.” She sighed, remembering their last visit to the “spot.”
“I’ll see you then.”
Since it was only 5:30, she placed another call.
“Hello.”
“What’s going on, Larry?” She said with a smile.
“Nothing what’s up with you?”
“You.” Looking at the picture of them with friends on her mantle.
“How about a safe elevator ride?”
“See you in a minute.” A minute later they were in the elevator. Debra loved the fact that when she wanted sex there was someone in her building that could deliver. Especially when her boyfriend was out of town.
Whenever Debra met Larry in the elevator he was always ready to go. They went from the fourth to tenth floor, hit the emergency button somewhere between the tenth and seventh floor coming down. And by the time Debra made it back to the fourth floor and Larry to the third it was like nothing ever happened. This is what they liked to call a safe elevator ride.
“Thanks.” She walked out of the elevator.
“No, thank you.”
She headed back to her apartment and got ready. It was a warm summer’s night so she decided to wear a low cut dress that was fitted and revealing in all the right places.
After dinner they made their way back to his place where they were each other’s desserts. As Debra lay there trying to catch her breath, she heard Will snoring. That was her cue to quietly go since he wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon and since she was still full of energy perhaps she could get some more sex from Larry.
As she walked into her building she saw the elevator doors about to close. “Hold it!” She screamed and they re-opened. It was just her luck that Larry was in the elevator. They rode from the tenth floor and back to the fourth and since it was late they didn’t have to press the emergency button. When she got to her apartment, she showered and headed to bed.
The next morning she awoke to the telephone ringing. She looked at her clock and saw that it was only 10:30. “Hello,” she said, still half asleep and with a little attitude.
“I’m sorry, Debbie, did I wake you?”
The voice made her jump up. “No, no I was already up.” It was Richard who was one of the best lovers who she always had time for.
“I’m in your lobby. I’ll be up in a minute.”
She rushed into the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth. By the time she finished, Richard was at the door. For the majority of the day, they made passionate love.
After Richard left, Debra called her best friend, Stacy. Ever since Debra became sexually active, Stacy always thought Debra had a problem.
“Hey Stace, whatcha doin?” She asked whining in a childish manner.
“I was just about to call you and ask if you wanted to meet for dinner.”
“Great minds do think alike. How about the café?”
“Is an hour good?”
“Perfect, see you then.”
Debra hung up the phone, made her final adjustments and was out the door. After finding a parking space in the parking lot of the café she made her way inside. She and Stacy both ordered the night’s special along with apple martinis.
“So what have you been up to since Bryan’s been gone?” Stacy asked as she sipped on her martini.
“I’ve had two safe elevator rides with Larry one before dinner with Will and one after.”
Casually sipping on her drink. “You didn’t have sex with Will?”
“That was the point of going to dinner with him.”
“And naturally you had sex with Bryan before he left. So sex with Bryan, Larry, Will and Larry again?”
“Yep and today I woke up to Richard calling me from the lobby of my apartment building.”
“How many times have you had sex this week?”
“With or without Bryan?”
She threw Debra a strange look. “Including Bryan.”
“Let’s see. Uh including Bryan, I would have to say about thirty times.”
Stacy spit out her drink. “When don’t you have sex?”
“When I’m with you or my parents.” Who did Stacy think she was? It wasn’t as though she was a nun herself!
“You have a problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“But you do. You constantly cheat on Bryan. When you feel you’re sexually attracted to someone, somehow you manage to sleep with them. How many partners have you had?”
“When?”
“This year?”
What was the big deal? “I would have to say seventy.”
“And each and every time you’ve had sex you used protection?”
“The only time I don’t use protection is with Bryan.”
Reaching into her bag, Stacy shook her head. “Here take a look at this.”
“This is a sex addict’s questionnaire.”
“I know and here’s a pen.”
After reading and answering the questions, she handed the paper back to Stacy.
“There you go. I answered the questions are you happy?”
“Debra Thomas, out of thirty questions only five of them are no and the rest are yes. Do you know what that means?”
“I’m a sex addict,” she said sarcastically.
“You need help.”
“The only help I need is from a man and/or from batteries.”
“You are sick.”
When Debra got back home from dinner, she got comfortable and began to surf the internet finding out more about sex addiction. The more she read the more she realized that she was in fact a sex addict. What was she to do? That night she went to bed without going in her goodie drawer.
The next morning she went over to her desk and dialed the number that she wrote down on a pad. She figured at least she’d recognized her problem, which was the first step. When the voice on the other end finished, she spoke. “Hi my name is Debra and I’d like to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about my sex addiction."
“Hello.”
The sexy Barry White voice always caught her off guard. “Uh hey Will, what’s going on?”
“Debs, I was just thinking about you.”
“Good. Are you busy later?” Please let him say he’s free.
“I’m always free for you,” he said.
“I was thinking that maybe we could get together.” She walked in circles waiting for his reply.
“Dinner at our spot at 8 o’clock?”
“Perfect.” She sighed, remembering their last visit to the “spot.”
“I’ll see you then.”
Since it was only 5:30, she placed another call.
“Hello.”
“What’s going on, Larry?” She said with a smile.
“Nothing what’s up with you?”
“You.” Looking at the picture of them with friends on her mantle.
“How about a safe elevator ride?”
“See you in a minute.” A minute later they were in the elevator. Debra loved the fact that when she wanted sex there was someone in her building that could deliver. Especially when her boyfriend was out of town.
Whenever Debra met Larry in the elevator he was always ready to go. They went from the fourth to tenth floor, hit the emergency button somewhere between the tenth and seventh floor coming down. And by the time Debra made it back to the fourth floor and Larry to the third it was like nothing ever happened. This is what they liked to call a safe elevator ride.
“Thanks.” She walked out of the elevator.
“No, thank you.”
She headed back to her apartment and got ready. It was a warm summer’s night so she decided to wear a low cut dress that was fitted and revealing in all the right places.
After dinner they made their way back to his place where they were each other’s desserts. As Debra lay there trying to catch her breath, she heard Will snoring. That was her cue to quietly go since he wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon and since she was still full of energy perhaps she could get some more sex from Larry.
As she walked into her building she saw the elevator doors about to close. “Hold it!” She screamed and they re-opened. It was just her luck that Larry was in the elevator. They rode from the tenth floor and back to the fourth and since it was late they didn’t have to press the emergency button. When she got to her apartment, she showered and headed to bed.
The next morning she awoke to the telephone ringing. She looked at her clock and saw that it was only 10:30. “Hello,” she said, still half asleep and with a little attitude.
“I’m sorry, Debbie, did I wake you?”
The voice made her jump up. “No, no I was already up.” It was Richard who was one of the best lovers who she always had time for.
“I’m in your lobby. I’ll be up in a minute.”
She rushed into the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth. By the time she finished, Richard was at the door. For the majority of the day, they made passionate love.
After Richard left, Debra called her best friend, Stacy. Ever since Debra became sexually active, Stacy always thought Debra had a problem.
“Hey Stace, whatcha doin?” She asked whining in a childish manner.
“I was just about to call you and ask if you wanted to meet for dinner.”
“Great minds do think alike. How about the café?”
“Is an hour good?”
“Perfect, see you then.”
Debra hung up the phone, made her final adjustments and was out the door. After finding a parking space in the parking lot of the café she made her way inside. She and Stacy both ordered the night’s special along with apple martinis.
“So what have you been up to since Bryan’s been gone?” Stacy asked as she sipped on her martini.
“I’ve had two safe elevator rides with Larry one before dinner with Will and one after.”
Casually sipping on her drink. “You didn’t have sex with Will?”
“That was the point of going to dinner with him.”
“And naturally you had sex with Bryan before he left. So sex with Bryan, Larry, Will and Larry again?”
“Yep and today I woke up to Richard calling me from the lobby of my apartment building.”
“How many times have you had sex this week?”
“With or without Bryan?”
She threw Debra a strange look. “Including Bryan.”
“Let’s see. Uh including Bryan, I would have to say about thirty times.”
Stacy spit out her drink. “When don’t you have sex?”
“When I’m with you or my parents.” Who did Stacy think she was? It wasn’t as though she was a nun herself!
“You have a problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“But you do. You constantly cheat on Bryan. When you feel you’re sexually attracted to someone, somehow you manage to sleep with them. How many partners have you had?”
“When?”
“This year?”
What was the big deal? “I would have to say seventy.”
“And each and every time you’ve had sex you used protection?”
“The only time I don’t use protection is with Bryan.”
Reaching into her bag, Stacy shook her head. “Here take a look at this.”
“This is a sex addict’s questionnaire.”
“I know and here’s a pen.”
After reading and answering the questions, she handed the paper back to Stacy.
“There you go. I answered the questions are you happy?”
“Debra Thomas, out of thirty questions only five of them are no and the rest are yes. Do you know what that means?”
“I’m a sex addict,” she said sarcastically.
“You need help.”
“The only help I need is from a man and/or from batteries.”
“You are sick.”
When Debra got back home from dinner, she got comfortable and began to surf the internet finding out more about sex addiction. The more she read the more she realized that she was in fact a sex addict. What was she to do? That night she went to bed without going in her goodie drawer.
The next morning she went over to her desk and dialed the number that she wrote down on a pad. She figured at least she’d recognized her problem, which was the first step. When the voice on the other end finished, she spoke. “Hi my name is Debra and I’d like to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about my sex addiction."
Heart Speak
It was three in the morning when Andy called. The loudly ringing telephone woke me up out of my peaceful sleep.
“I just called to let you know that I’ll be picking you up at the train station tomorrow. Love you now go back to sleep.”
How did he expect me to go back to sleep with my heart rapidly beating? I laid there thinking about his 6 foot 3 muscular frame, his enticing peek-a-boo line and sexy abs. I could feel his soft manly hands touching my body with his brown puppy dog eyes piercing through me. With that, I eventually went back to sleep.
For the past two weeks our schedules made it impossible for us to see each other so I was eager to see Andy. Finally we arrived and I stepped off the train looking for him. As I looked around I spotted a familiar face. A face that I hadn’t seen in two years and that’s the way I wanted to keep it. As I walked around looking for Andy I could feel someone watching me. I reached for my cell phone and before I could press send, there he was.
Lance was 6 foot 5 inches with a very muscular body. He was a small forward for a basketball team overseas. His round face, deep dimples and hazel eyes always made me melt. His chocolate brown complexion always made me crave a chocolate bar. I suddenly felt a tooth hurt as my heart beat out of control. I could see my chest moving in and out.
“Mia, I knew it was you.” He gave me a hug.
“Hi Lance, how are you?”
Lance and I have known each other since high school. It wasn’t until college that we started dating. After we graduated we agreed to remain a couple. He went to Germany and naturally I was a frequent visitor. Everything was good between us -- at least that’s what I thought.
Two months of not seeing each other and only talking over the phone, I began to crave some chocolate. That phone-call was a call I wasn’t prepared for. All I remember hearing was, “Mia, I’m standing here talking to my wife, can I call you back?” Ouch! Today was our first time seeing each since that call.
“I’m doing fine. I was hoping that I’d see you?”
Sarcastically, “For what? To tell me you have kids?”
“I guess I deserve that.” He noticed that I was looking around.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yes and as a matter of fact he’s here.” I actually gave him a hug and as I tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Every feeling that I thought I got rid of came back. It’s kind of funny because just a couple of weeks ago my best friend Marcus and I were looking through his photo albums and came across a picture of me and Lance. We looked so happy together.
“You’re still in love with him,” Marcus said as he saw me looking at the picture.
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh but that look says something else.”
“Uh I’ve been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Did you forget?”
“Or have you been passing time while you wait for Lance to return?” That was the first time that Marcus left me speechless. Was he right?
“Can I come visit you tomorrow?” Lance whispered in my ear.
I was melting. “I’ll be at my mother’s.” As I tried to pull away he wouldn’t let me go but I managed to get away. I ran over to Andy and jumped into his arms. “Hey honey.”
“Hey sweetness how was your day?” he asked as we walked to his car.
I looked back at Lance. “Interesting.”
While at dinner with Andy I felt like I wasn’t completely there. My body was there but my mind and soul weren’t. They were still at the train station with Lance. Needless to say, I made it through.
We went to our future home. I laid there in bed that night tossing and turning with Lance on my mind. What could he possibly have to say to me? When Lance told me he was married I headed straight to Marcus’ and cried on his shoulder for days. That hug made me think that maybe Marcus was right. Could it be that I really wasn’t over Lance and Andy was just occupying my time until he came back? As I looked at Andy sleeping I began to think perhaps my heart was secretly trying to tell me something. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night.
When I got to my mother’s the next day, sitting on the porch with her was Lance. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went on her way. We sat outside for hours talking. He’s no longer married and has a son. Before leaving he told me that he hoped that there could be an “us”. My mind quickly shot back to the day he told me he was married. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in two months we were still a couple and that wasn’t right. And even though my heart beats a hundred miles a minute for him, who’s to say something like that wouldn’t happen again?
“Lance.”
Turning around, “Yes.”
“It’s been two years since I last saw you. That phone call hurt like hell. It’s been difficult but I managed to move on. The way that my heart still beats for you, I could easily tell you that there could be an “us” but I’m not. In my mind I always thought that we’d be together again but I met a great guy who would never hurt me. I’m always going to love you but you hurt me once and I can’t allow you to hurt me again. So if it’s alright with you I would like for us to be friends.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“It’s best.”
We hugged for the last time. That was three years ago and Andy and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
“I just called to let you know that I’ll be picking you up at the train station tomorrow. Love you now go back to sleep.”
How did he expect me to go back to sleep with my heart rapidly beating? I laid there thinking about his 6 foot 3 muscular frame, his enticing peek-a-boo line and sexy abs. I could feel his soft manly hands touching my body with his brown puppy dog eyes piercing through me. With that, I eventually went back to sleep.
For the past two weeks our schedules made it impossible for us to see each other so I was eager to see Andy. Finally we arrived and I stepped off the train looking for him. As I looked around I spotted a familiar face. A face that I hadn’t seen in two years and that’s the way I wanted to keep it. As I walked around looking for Andy I could feel someone watching me. I reached for my cell phone and before I could press send, there he was.
Lance was 6 foot 5 inches with a very muscular body. He was a small forward for a basketball team overseas. His round face, deep dimples and hazel eyes always made me melt. His chocolate brown complexion always made me crave a chocolate bar. I suddenly felt a tooth hurt as my heart beat out of control. I could see my chest moving in and out.
“Mia, I knew it was you.” He gave me a hug.
“Hi Lance, how are you?”
Lance and I have known each other since high school. It wasn’t until college that we started dating. After we graduated we agreed to remain a couple. He went to Germany and naturally I was a frequent visitor. Everything was good between us -- at least that’s what I thought.
Two months of not seeing each other and only talking over the phone, I began to crave some chocolate. That phone-call was a call I wasn’t prepared for. All I remember hearing was, “Mia, I’m standing here talking to my wife, can I call you back?” Ouch! Today was our first time seeing each since that call.
“I’m doing fine. I was hoping that I’d see you?”
Sarcastically, “For what? To tell me you have kids?”
“I guess I deserve that.” He noticed that I was looking around.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yes and as a matter of fact he’s here.” I actually gave him a hug and as I tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Every feeling that I thought I got rid of came back. It’s kind of funny because just a couple of weeks ago my best friend Marcus and I were looking through his photo albums and came across a picture of me and Lance. We looked so happy together.
“You’re still in love with him,” Marcus said as he saw me looking at the picture.
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh but that look says something else.”
“Uh I’ve been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Did you forget?”
“Or have you been passing time while you wait for Lance to return?” That was the first time that Marcus left me speechless. Was he right?
“Can I come visit you tomorrow?” Lance whispered in my ear.
I was melting. “I’ll be at my mother’s.” As I tried to pull away he wouldn’t let me go but I managed to get away. I ran over to Andy and jumped into his arms. “Hey honey.”
“Hey sweetness how was your day?” he asked as we walked to his car.
I looked back at Lance. “Interesting.”
While at dinner with Andy I felt like I wasn’t completely there. My body was there but my mind and soul weren’t. They were still at the train station with Lance. Needless to say, I made it through.
We went to our future home. I laid there in bed that night tossing and turning with Lance on my mind. What could he possibly have to say to me? When Lance told me he was married I headed straight to Marcus’ and cried on his shoulder for days. That hug made me think that maybe Marcus was right. Could it be that I really wasn’t over Lance and Andy was just occupying my time until he came back? As I looked at Andy sleeping I began to think perhaps my heart was secretly trying to tell me something. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night.
When I got to my mother’s the next day, sitting on the porch with her was Lance. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went on her way. We sat outside for hours talking. He’s no longer married and has a son. Before leaving he told me that he hoped that there could be an “us”. My mind quickly shot back to the day he told me he was married. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in two months we were still a couple and that wasn’t right. And even though my heart beats a hundred miles a minute for him, who’s to say something like that wouldn’t happen again?
“Lance.”
Turning around, “Yes.”
“It’s been two years since I last saw you. That phone call hurt like hell. It’s been difficult but I managed to move on. The way that my heart still beats for you, I could easily tell you that there could be an “us” but I’m not. In my mind I always thought that we’d be together again but I met a great guy who would never hurt me. I’m always going to love you but you hurt me once and I can’t allow you to hurt me again. So if it’s alright with you I would like for us to be friends.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“It’s best.”
We hugged for the last time. That was three years ago and Andy and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
Saturday
Soul Mate
When I entered the club I wasn’t really looking for anyone. But then I laid eyes on Sherrod, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. A light seemed to shine only on him. It seemed as if the packed dance floor was all of sudden empty and it was just he and I in the club. My eyes followed him until my friend grabbed my arm to get my attention. When I looked up Sherrod was gone. When my friend and I made our way to the second floor of the club, there he was standing right in front of me.
He stood about six feet even. I could see that he was medium built and very attractive. When he turned around I wanted to melt. He had the most sexiest mesmerizing brown bedroom eyes. His strong cheekbones went with his oval shaped face. I could tell not only was his hair cut low underneath his cap but it was freshly cut. His jeans were loosely fit, and his jacket covered the polo shirt that he was wearing. On his feet he had on a new pair of Timberland boots.
He took me off guard with the move he made. He extended his hand out to me and introduced himself. “Hi my name is Sherrod.” His voice wasn’t that deep but it was manly yet it made me feel protected.
“Hi I’m Ananda, nice to meet you.” As we shook hands I didn’t want to let his hand go. His hands were soft with no calluses yet they were manly. He also had clean nails. This was the first guy that I ever met in a club that wasn’t rude and wasn’t making sexual advances towards me.
“I saw you when you walked in and I’m glad that we were able to talk.”
“Thanks.” I said as I was blushing.
“Excuse me for a second.” As he headed to the bar I noticed that he walked like a basketball player. He had a little bop to his walk yet at the same time it was laid back. He returned with pen and paper. He wrote down his number and I wrote down mine.
“I hope that you call me, I would love to get to know you a little better.” After he said that I knew for a fact that I was in love.
At the end of the night as my friend and I were leaving the club some guy came up to me and tried to talk to me. Before I could even say anything, Sherrod came from somewhere and told the guy that I wasn’t interested. He then put money in my hand, walked my friend and I outside flagged a cab for us. That’s when I knew I had just met my soul mate.
He stood about six feet even. I could see that he was medium built and very attractive. When he turned around I wanted to melt. He had the most sexiest mesmerizing brown bedroom eyes. His strong cheekbones went with his oval shaped face. I could tell not only was his hair cut low underneath his cap but it was freshly cut. His jeans were loosely fit, and his jacket covered the polo shirt that he was wearing. On his feet he had on a new pair of Timberland boots.
He took me off guard with the move he made. He extended his hand out to me and introduced himself. “Hi my name is Sherrod.” His voice wasn’t that deep but it was manly yet it made me feel protected.
“Hi I’m Ananda, nice to meet you.” As we shook hands I didn’t want to let his hand go. His hands were soft with no calluses yet they were manly. He also had clean nails. This was the first guy that I ever met in a club that wasn’t rude and wasn’t making sexual advances towards me.
“I saw you when you walked in and I’m glad that we were able to talk.”
“Thanks.” I said as I was blushing.
“Excuse me for a second.” As he headed to the bar I noticed that he walked like a basketball player. He had a little bop to his walk yet at the same time it was laid back. He returned with pen and paper. He wrote down his number and I wrote down mine.
“I hope that you call me, I would love to get to know you a little better.” After he said that I knew for a fact that I was in love.
At the end of the night as my friend and I were leaving the club some guy came up to me and tried to talk to me. Before I could even say anything, Sherrod came from somewhere and told the guy that I wasn’t interested. He then put money in my hand, walked my friend and I outside flagged a cab for us. That’s when I knew I had just met my soul mate.
In(Out)side
Is it true that when you look from the outside in, things look better or do they look better when you're on the inside looking out? Maybe they are the same. As I look from the inside out, I see cold and bitterness. I see the lonely trying to find fulfillment. I see the lost hoping to be found. I see a happiness outside that isn't being felt on the inside. Now I take a moment to look from the outside in, I sense cold and bitterness. I see the fulfilled trying to avoid the loneliness. I see the found hoping never to get lost. I see a happiness inside that wants to be felt on the outside. It's true yet strange to some but at the same time it is strange yet true to others.
When you look at things from the inside you really don't see much of what is going on around you. You are unaware of your surroundings. Something could be blooming for you and you don't know it because you don't see it. If you take the time to look from the outside in, you see things that you never thought were there but were always there. That one opportunity becomes a million opportunities. You also actually become aware of what your needs and wants are. You may think that you know what your wants and needs are but take the time out and look at your life from the outside in and you WILL and I stressWILL know what our needs and wants are, you'll even know what is exactly is missing in your life. The best thing about looking in from the outside is that you know what your surroundings are and you will know how to use them to your advantage.
When you look at things from the inside you really don't see much of what is going on around you. You are unaware of your surroundings. Something could be blooming for you and you don't know it because you don't see it. If you take the time to look from the outside in, you see things that you never thought were there but were always there. That one opportunity becomes a million opportunities. You also actually become aware of what your needs and wants are. You may think that you know what your wants and needs are but take the time out and look at your life from the outside in and you WILL and I stressWILL know what our needs and wants are, you'll even know what is exactly is missing in your life. The best thing about looking in from the outside is that you know what your surroundings are and you will know how to use them to your advantage.
Friday
This Place
My mind is in this place,
in a place where my heart longs
to be.
At this place,
there's unconditional & everlasting love
with no boundaries or limitations.
My mind frequently visits
and my heart
has yet to go.
I've tried to get my heart there
but she stays where she is.
I say, I'll give her time to
catch up with my mind.
And just when I think
they're there,
my heart changes her mind.
When I ask her why?
She replies,
I'm scared, of the hurt
caused by lies that abuse my
emotions but most importantly,
I'm scared of not being
loved back.
My mind tells her,
there's nothing to be scared of.
She says,
if I can't trust you,
then how can I trust,
this place?
in a place where my heart longs
to be.
At this place,
there's unconditional & everlasting love
with no boundaries or limitations.
My mind frequently visits
and my heart
has yet to go.
I've tried to get my heart there
but she stays where she is.
I say, I'll give her time to
catch up with my mind.
And just when I think
they're there,
my heart changes her mind.
When I ask her why?
She replies,
I'm scared, of the hurt
caused by lies that abuse my
emotions but most importantly,
I'm scared of not being
loved back.
My mind tells her,
there's nothing to be scared of.
She says,
if I can't trust you,
then how can I trust,
this place?
Thursday
Aftermath
As Missy looked at herself in the mirror she couldn’t believe what she had done but it kept playing in her head. She always reminded herself about the woman she didn’t want to be. “I have to get out of here before he wakes up.” She ran quietly back into the room and ran around the room looking for her clothes. As she grabbed her pants she couldn’t help but to stop and look over at the bed. Before she could make it back to the bathroom to change, his cell phone rang. Before he could get up to answer Missy jumped back into the bed as if she had just went to use the bathroom.
Jerry stretched his long arm and grabbed for his cell phone that was on the nightstand next to the bed. Jerry tapped his phone to see who was calling him. “Hello.” He then cut the caller short. “I was just about to go to bed. I had a very long day today, so I’m going to call you back in the morning.” The call ended, then placed it back on the dresser and turned to grab Missy. “Hey you, I’m sorry did that wake you?”
“No but you just did.”
“Well is there anything that I can do that is going to put you back to sleep.”
“Just hold me and I’ll be fine.” Jerry did just that and she laid there still and quiet as she waited for him to fall back asleep. She then heard the sound she was waiting for, Jerry’s snore, which, was not too loud and not to hard, it was the perfect snore. Ever since they were in high school Missy knew that any time that she heard that snore she could always leave and he’d never know when she left. Missy knew that snore all too well. Missy knew that Jerry wasn’t the type too wake up in the middle of the night, even if his life depended on it. She decided to cut his phone off just in case. She knew that when he got up the next morning her phone would be ringing off the hook but she’d be prepared to tell him that she just didn’t want to wake him when she left. Missy rushed into the bathroom and quickly got dressed so that she could leave. Instead of putting on her under garments Missy just put her on her pants and shirt. She heard her cell phone vibrating. She grabbed her cell phone out of her bag. She saw that it was her best friend Jaime and knew that Jaime would understand her reason for not picking up her phone. Missy cracked open the bathroom door so that she had just enough light to see so that she could locate her shoes. She then remembered that she took them off in the living room. She gathered her undergarments and put them into her pocketbook, she tiptoed pass Jerry and made it to the living room. She heard her cell phone vibrating again and took it out of her pocketbook. She swiped her phone and quietly said to the other person, “Just a second.”
“Why are you speaking so damn low?”
“As soon as I get outside I’ll call you right back.” Missy ended the call and finished putting on her boots. She grabbed her jacket and was quietly on her way out the door. As she shut the door she looked to see how far away the stairs were and decided to take them instead of the elevator. As she was putting on her coat she was running towards the stairs. Once her coat was in her hands were in her pocketbook grabbing for her car keys.
Once Missy got outside she realized that the staircase let her out on the opposite side of where her car was parked. It seemed as is she couldn’t find her car but she was determined to find it, if not, she’d call a cab and send Jaime for her car in the morning. Missy started to run in the direction she knew her car was parked. When Missy didn’t have on her glasses or had in her contacts she couldn’t see to save her life. She wore her contacts tonight but took them off after she told Jerry that she would spend the night with him. But from about one hundred and fifty yards away she spotted her license plate SXY ONE and ran as fast as she could to her car. As she ran towards to her car she unlocked the car which would make it easier and faster for her to get in and drive off. As she got into her car she was out of breathe but that didn’t stop her from starting her new Lexus and speeding off. When she was three blocks away she gave Jaime a call. “Hey Jaime what’s up?”
“Nothing, what’s up with you? I stopped by your apartment and you weren’t there.”
“Uh something came up that I had to tend to.”
“This last minute thing wouldn’t have to do with a certain person coming to town now would it?”
“Excuse me, who are you talking about?”
“I think his name is Jerry.”
“Uh no I had to go to do something with Sunny.”
“So why were you so quiet and rushing me off the phone?”
“I was in a place where I couldn’t talk. Look I said I wasn’t going to mess with Jerry anymore and I’m not. And just because he comes into town doesn’t mean that I run every time he calls me.”
“Sure tell me anything.”
“Well it’s the truth. Well looking I’m close to home so I’m gonna go straight to bed and I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“As a matter of fact I’ll be at your apartment in about ten minutes.”
As she parked her car, she heard her phone vibrating. She looked at her phone shocked to see that Jerry had woken up. She threw her phone back into her pocketbook and parked her car. Before she got out of her car she took a few deep breathes and replayed what had happened that night between her and Jerry. She shook her head and then headed to her apartment. When she got into her apartment she was relieved but knew that this was only the beginning. She walked over to her bar and fixed herself an apple martini and before she could enjoy it there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?”
“Jaime.” Missy didn’t want to open the door but knew that if she didn’t Jaime would bang at the door all night. “It took you long enough.”
“Yeah, yeah, you want a martini?” “Of course because I know that I’m going to need a few. So tell me what happened?”
“What do you mean what happened?”
“First, I’ve known you since elementary school, and I know you and how you feel about Jerry. And I am familiar with that Jerry glow that you have. You’ve had that glow since the day you told me that you couldn’t stand him.”
“That Jerry glow?”
“Yeah that Jerry glow. So how did it happen?”
“Well I was just chilling this morning drinking my Starbucks white chocolate mocha, reading the newspaper and my telephone rings. I pick it up and there on the other end was Jerry.”
“And what did he have to say?”
“He was in town and wanted to see me. I asked him where he was. He gave me the name of the hotel and his room number and hung up before I could say anything.”
“He still has his way with words.”
“That along with the way of his mighty sword.”
“So besides sex, did you at least get to tell him how you felt?”
“Oh I never got the chance.”
“What do you mean you never told him?”
“When I got there he gave me a hug and a kiss and then told me to sit down. I made my way to the couch and that’s when he told me that he and his wife are now officially divorced.”
“Wait him and his wife are now divorced, how long were they married?”
“Yes they are and they were only married for a few months.”
“Why did they get a divorce.”
“Well according to him, I am the only one for him and the only one that he truly wants to be with.”
“What did you then say to him?”
“There wasn’t much that I could say. One kiss and then it was off to the bedroom where it was ON FIRE! After that hot passionate sex we fell asleep but then I woke up and hurried to get out of there. Oh and this time Jerry woke up because right before I came into the house he called my cell phone. He’s probably still calling it and when he notices that I’m not going to pick up he’ll call here. Can I get you another martini?”
“How about a double shot of tequila? Did he tell you about his future plans?”
“Jose Quervo will do right?”
“Yes. Any future plans?”
“No, our conversation never made it that far.”
“Did you mention the fact that you are in a relationship and you are very happy?”
“Like I said our conversation never made it that far and besides before you knew it, I was in the bed calling out his name.”
“Missy you know you said that you were through with Jerry right?”
“Yes, I did say that.”
“Are you changing your story now?”
“No I’m not changing my story. Jaime, you don’t go away for six months, come back married; tell a person that it just happened. I’ve moved on and like you said I’m in a relationship with someone who makes me happy. I can’t see myself turning to Alan and saying, I’m sorry but I’m leaving you to be with my ex since he’s no longer married and wants to make “us” work again. I have no reason to leave and I’m not coming up with a reason either.”
“Okay but let me ask you a question.”
“I had sex with him because I couldn’t resist. Now my dear Jaime you know what Jerry looks like. He’s six foot six, nice chocolate complexion with a heavenly body. Nice eight pack going on, with the pelvic bone that looks so damn delicious when he lets his sweatpants hang off his hip. Those dark brown dreamy eyes, bald head and no facial hair. He’s as close as you can get to Idris Elba. I know that what I did wasn’t right but Alan is out of town and I’m a little lonely and when I get around Jerry and it’s just him and I, well temptation always wins.”
“Oh, okay but let me ask you this; if Alan was in town would you still have gone over there?”
“Uh.” At that point the telephone rang.
“Would you like me to get that?”
“Yes please.” Missy said hesitantly. “Hello.” She turned and whispered Jerry’s name. “Oh she’s not back yet, but I’ll tell her that you called Jerry.” Jaime hung up the phone and looked at Missy. She picked up her jacket and pocketbook and headed out the door. “Missy, I’ll tell you this. Alan has been there to wipe away your tears and he’s been there to catch them. Alan is the best thing that has happened to you in this last past year, so I wouldn’t mess that up if I were you. I know that you’re a smart woman and I know you’re going to do what’s right.” Jaime left Missy sitting on the couch thinking. In the midst if her thoughts, her telephone rang. She ran to her bedroom and saw that it was Jerry. Jaime was right, Missy had to be honest and that’s what she was going to be.
“Hey there Jerry.”
Jerry stretched his long arm and grabbed for his cell phone that was on the nightstand next to the bed. Jerry tapped his phone to see who was calling him. “Hello.” He then cut the caller short. “I was just about to go to bed. I had a very long day today, so I’m going to call you back in the morning.” The call ended, then placed it back on the dresser and turned to grab Missy. “Hey you, I’m sorry did that wake you?”
“No but you just did.”
“Well is there anything that I can do that is going to put you back to sleep.”
“Just hold me and I’ll be fine.” Jerry did just that and she laid there still and quiet as she waited for him to fall back asleep. She then heard the sound she was waiting for, Jerry’s snore, which, was not too loud and not to hard, it was the perfect snore. Ever since they were in high school Missy knew that any time that she heard that snore she could always leave and he’d never know when she left. Missy knew that snore all too well. Missy knew that Jerry wasn’t the type too wake up in the middle of the night, even if his life depended on it. She decided to cut his phone off just in case. She knew that when he got up the next morning her phone would be ringing off the hook but she’d be prepared to tell him that she just didn’t want to wake him when she left. Missy rushed into the bathroom and quickly got dressed so that she could leave. Instead of putting on her under garments Missy just put her on her pants and shirt. She heard her cell phone vibrating. She grabbed her cell phone out of her bag. She saw that it was her best friend Jaime and knew that Jaime would understand her reason for not picking up her phone. Missy cracked open the bathroom door so that she had just enough light to see so that she could locate her shoes. She then remembered that she took them off in the living room. She gathered her undergarments and put them into her pocketbook, she tiptoed pass Jerry and made it to the living room. She heard her cell phone vibrating again and took it out of her pocketbook. She swiped her phone and quietly said to the other person, “Just a second.”
“Why are you speaking so damn low?”
“As soon as I get outside I’ll call you right back.” Missy ended the call and finished putting on her boots. She grabbed her jacket and was quietly on her way out the door. As she shut the door she looked to see how far away the stairs were and decided to take them instead of the elevator. As she was putting on her coat she was running towards the stairs. Once her coat was in her hands were in her pocketbook grabbing for her car keys.
Once Missy got outside she realized that the staircase let her out on the opposite side of where her car was parked. It seemed as is she couldn’t find her car but she was determined to find it, if not, she’d call a cab and send Jaime for her car in the morning. Missy started to run in the direction she knew her car was parked. When Missy didn’t have on her glasses or had in her contacts she couldn’t see to save her life. She wore her contacts tonight but took them off after she told Jerry that she would spend the night with him. But from about one hundred and fifty yards away she spotted her license plate SXY ONE and ran as fast as she could to her car. As she ran towards to her car she unlocked the car which would make it easier and faster for her to get in and drive off. As she got into her car she was out of breathe but that didn’t stop her from starting her new Lexus and speeding off. When she was three blocks away she gave Jaime a call. “Hey Jaime what’s up?”
“Nothing, what’s up with you? I stopped by your apartment and you weren’t there.”
“Uh something came up that I had to tend to.”
“This last minute thing wouldn’t have to do with a certain person coming to town now would it?”
“Excuse me, who are you talking about?”
“I think his name is Jerry.”
“Uh no I had to go to do something with Sunny.”
“So why were you so quiet and rushing me off the phone?”
“I was in a place where I couldn’t talk. Look I said I wasn’t going to mess with Jerry anymore and I’m not. And just because he comes into town doesn’t mean that I run every time he calls me.”
“Sure tell me anything.”
“Well it’s the truth. Well looking I’m close to home so I’m gonna go straight to bed and I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“As a matter of fact I’ll be at your apartment in about ten minutes.”
As she parked her car, she heard her phone vibrating. She looked at her phone shocked to see that Jerry had woken up. She threw her phone back into her pocketbook and parked her car. Before she got out of her car she took a few deep breathes and replayed what had happened that night between her and Jerry. She shook her head and then headed to her apartment. When she got into her apartment she was relieved but knew that this was only the beginning. She walked over to her bar and fixed herself an apple martini and before she could enjoy it there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?”
“Jaime.” Missy didn’t want to open the door but knew that if she didn’t Jaime would bang at the door all night. “It took you long enough.”
“Yeah, yeah, you want a martini?” “Of course because I know that I’m going to need a few. So tell me what happened?”
“What do you mean what happened?”
“First, I’ve known you since elementary school, and I know you and how you feel about Jerry. And I am familiar with that Jerry glow that you have. You’ve had that glow since the day you told me that you couldn’t stand him.”
“That Jerry glow?”
“Yeah that Jerry glow. So how did it happen?”
“Well I was just chilling this morning drinking my Starbucks white chocolate mocha, reading the newspaper and my telephone rings. I pick it up and there on the other end was Jerry.”
“And what did he have to say?”
“He was in town and wanted to see me. I asked him where he was. He gave me the name of the hotel and his room number and hung up before I could say anything.”
“He still has his way with words.”
“That along with the way of his mighty sword.”
“So besides sex, did you at least get to tell him how you felt?”
“Oh I never got the chance.”
“What do you mean you never told him?”
“When I got there he gave me a hug and a kiss and then told me to sit down. I made my way to the couch and that’s when he told me that he and his wife are now officially divorced.”
“Wait him and his wife are now divorced, how long were they married?”
“Yes they are and they were only married for a few months.”
“Why did they get a divorce.”
“Well according to him, I am the only one for him and the only one that he truly wants to be with.”
“What did you then say to him?”
“There wasn’t much that I could say. One kiss and then it was off to the bedroom where it was ON FIRE! After that hot passionate sex we fell asleep but then I woke up and hurried to get out of there. Oh and this time Jerry woke up because right before I came into the house he called my cell phone. He’s probably still calling it and when he notices that I’m not going to pick up he’ll call here. Can I get you another martini?”
“How about a double shot of tequila? Did he tell you about his future plans?”
“Jose Quervo will do right?”
“Yes. Any future plans?”
“No, our conversation never made it that far.”
“Did you mention the fact that you are in a relationship and you are very happy?”
“Like I said our conversation never made it that far and besides before you knew it, I was in the bed calling out his name.”
“Missy you know you said that you were through with Jerry right?”
“Yes, I did say that.”
“Are you changing your story now?”
“No I’m not changing my story. Jaime, you don’t go away for six months, come back married; tell a person that it just happened. I’ve moved on and like you said I’m in a relationship with someone who makes me happy. I can’t see myself turning to Alan and saying, I’m sorry but I’m leaving you to be with my ex since he’s no longer married and wants to make “us” work again. I have no reason to leave and I’m not coming up with a reason either.”
“Okay but let me ask you a question.”
“I had sex with him because I couldn’t resist. Now my dear Jaime you know what Jerry looks like. He’s six foot six, nice chocolate complexion with a heavenly body. Nice eight pack going on, with the pelvic bone that looks so damn delicious when he lets his sweatpants hang off his hip. Those dark brown dreamy eyes, bald head and no facial hair. He’s as close as you can get to Idris Elba. I know that what I did wasn’t right but Alan is out of town and I’m a little lonely and when I get around Jerry and it’s just him and I, well temptation always wins.”
“Oh, okay but let me ask you this; if Alan was in town would you still have gone over there?”
“Uh.” At that point the telephone rang.
“Would you like me to get that?”
“Yes please.” Missy said hesitantly. “Hello.” She turned and whispered Jerry’s name. “Oh she’s not back yet, but I’ll tell her that you called Jerry.” Jaime hung up the phone and looked at Missy. She picked up her jacket and pocketbook and headed out the door. “Missy, I’ll tell you this. Alan has been there to wipe away your tears and he’s been there to catch them. Alan is the best thing that has happened to you in this last past year, so I wouldn’t mess that up if I were you. I know that you’re a smart woman and I know you’re going to do what’s right.” Jaime left Missy sitting on the couch thinking. In the midst if her thoughts, her telephone rang. She ran to her bedroom and saw that it was Jerry. Jaime was right, Missy had to be honest and that’s what she was going to be.
“Hey there Jerry.”
Wednesday
Untitled
Are we missing out on love?
Or are we missing out on each other?
Are we meant to be?
Or are we not meant to be?
Are you missing me?
Am I missing you?
Is this love meant to be?
Or is this love a faded memory?
Or are we missing out on each other?
Are we meant to be?
Or are we not meant to be?
Are you missing me?
Am I missing you?
Is this love meant to be?
Or is this love a faded memory?
Tuesday
Without A Doubt
I have these notebooks that I use as journals and on the inside they actually have what I like to call writing guides. These guides aren't on all the pages, there are some blank pages in between. On the most recent pages there were two guides. The first guide was to list three things that I believe without a doubt. I listed my three things. On the opposite page it said to write about one of those beliefs. One of the things that I listed was 'dreams'. Whether it happens when I close my eyes or making something I strongly desire happen. I believe in dreams.
When I close my eyes at night and go into a deep R.E.M I dream. I dream of things that have happened in the past and present and I dream about the future. All my dreams are in color, never have they been in black and white. When I awake, I sometimes like to think about what I dreamt about. I like to linger in the dream as long as I can when I wake up. I believe that my dreams speak to me. If I go to bed the night before with a question heavy on my mind, the answer comes to me in my dream. If I can't make a decision on something, I think about the question before I go to sleep and when I awake the next morning, I have an answer.
Now in the present I have dreams. My first dream was to become a published author and I did. I have a dream of having more books published and I am working on that. I have another dream which is to have people enjoy my sweets and they are. I have dreams of having these dreams work together and I know that they will.
So whether it's a dream that comes to me while I sleep or something that I am passionate about that I want to give life to, I strongly believe in both without a doubt.
When I close my eyes at night and go into a deep R.E.M I dream. I dream of things that have happened in the past and present and I dream about the future. All my dreams are in color, never have they been in black and white. When I awake, I sometimes like to think about what I dreamt about. I like to linger in the dream as long as I can when I wake up. I believe that my dreams speak to me. If I go to bed the night before with a question heavy on my mind, the answer comes to me in my dream. If I can't make a decision on something, I think about the question before I go to sleep and when I awake the next morning, I have an answer.
Now in the present I have dreams. My first dream was to become a published author and I did. I have a dream of having more books published and I am working on that. I have another dream which is to have people enjoy my sweets and they are. I have dreams of having these dreams work together and I know that they will.
So whether it's a dream that comes to me while I sleep or something that I am passionate about that I want to give life to, I strongly believe in both without a doubt.
Monday
Why I Write
I write for strange and meaningful reasons. I know that that sounds crazy but it really isn't.
I like to write because I like to write. I like seeing my handwriting on paper. I may not have the best handwriting to someone else but to me being a lefty, I have some nice neat handwriting. Now when I write, sometimes I'm practicing my signature or I'm writing on a napkin and just re-writing what's on that napkin. I even like writing letters than sending an email. So writing just to write is my strange reason for writing.
Now my meaningful reason, it's how I best express myself. Writing serves as another form of therapy for me. It's another way that I can understand what is going on around me as well as within me. Then to tell a story that keeps going until my pen tells me to stop is just an amazing feeling to me. To create another world with the pen is awesome.
I write for strange and meaningful reasons but it is something that I love doing.
I like to write because I like to write. I like seeing my handwriting on paper. I may not have the best handwriting to someone else but to me being a lefty, I have some nice neat handwriting. Now when I write, sometimes I'm practicing my signature or I'm writing on a napkin and just re-writing what's on that napkin. I even like writing letters than sending an email. So writing just to write is my strange reason for writing.
Now my meaningful reason, it's how I best express myself. Writing serves as another form of therapy for me. It's another way that I can understand what is going on around me as well as within me. Then to tell a story that keeps going until my pen tells me to stop is just an amazing feeling to me. To create another world with the pen is awesome.
I write for strange and meaningful reasons but it is something that I love doing.
Thursday
Relationship Thought #1
How do you equate wanting to be with or loving someone by saying that since they don't do anything nice for you then they don't love or want to be with you? Do you ever think about what have you done that was nice for them? I mean men, when's the last time you said to your woman, hey here's a couple of dollars go get your hair and/or nails done? Not because they asked but BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO?
Ladies trust me I know it gets hectic when you have kids and not only do you forget your own needs but your man's needs. I am guilty of that but it's not because I don't love my man or don't want to be with him. I think that sometimes men tend to forget, that as women but most importantly as mothers we need a minute. And if not given that minute we are no good. You can't give us a minute for a few days then stop. It has to be constant and consistent. We can't have date night once or twice and then stop. That's a way to re-connect and remember why you are with that person whether or not you do go out. You men may get upset with us women and then that's your cue to stop giving us the minute and/or stop date night.
Some men tend to say well what about me? Why don't you do this or do that? Do you ever think about what is it that I'm not doing for my lady that could make her wanna jump on top of me, give me some head? Or what did I do in the beginning of our relationship that I no longer do? In relationships we are supposed to feed off of each other. They say actions speak louder than words but sometimes our actions turn our partners off. It works both ways.
Ladies trust me I know it gets hectic when you have kids and not only do you forget your own needs but your man's needs. I am guilty of that but it's not because I don't love my man or don't want to be with him. I think that sometimes men tend to forget, that as women but most importantly as mothers we need a minute. And if not given that minute we are no good. You can't give us a minute for a few days then stop. It has to be constant and consistent. We can't have date night once or twice and then stop. That's a way to re-connect and remember why you are with that person whether or not you do go out. You men may get upset with us women and then that's your cue to stop giving us the minute and/or stop date night.
Some men tend to say well what about me? Why don't you do this or do that? Do you ever think about what is it that I'm not doing for my lady that could make her wanna jump on top of me, give me some head? Or what did I do in the beginning of our relationship that I no longer do? In relationships we are supposed to feed off of each other. They say actions speak louder than words but sometimes our actions turn our partners off. It works both ways.
Tuesday
It's Never Too Late To
*Start Over
*Chase your deams
*Create healthy relationships
*Understand God's power
*Change your ways
*Be Positive
*Hope
*Accept the Lord
*Make a difference
*Forgive the people who hurt you
*Learn something new
*Do what you've always wanted to do
*Say "I'm Sorry"
*Be Inspired
*Begin again
*Put your past in your past
This was on my newsfeed on Facebook and this is so true. We do all of these things every day without realizing. It is when we take the time out at the end of our day or week that we realize we've done all of these at some point in our day or during the last week.
So really it'snever too lat for anything, all we have to do is wake up, count our blessing, which is waking up and then we begin again, starting all over to chase a dream, creating new ways, to make a difference and accept what the Lord has presented us...well you get the point.
*Chase your deams
*Create healthy relationships
*Understand God's power
*Change your ways
*Be Positive
*Hope
*Accept the Lord
*Make a difference
*Forgive the people who hurt you
*Learn something new
*Do what you've always wanted to do
*Say "I'm Sorry"
*Be Inspired
*Begin again
*Put your past in your past
This was on my newsfeed on Facebook and this is so true. We do all of these things every day without realizing. It is when we take the time out at the end of our day or week that we realize we've done all of these at some point in our day or during the last week.
So really it'snever too lat for anything, all we have to do is wake up, count our blessing, which is waking up and then we begin again, starting all over to chase a dream, creating new ways, to make a difference and accept what the Lord has presented us...well you get the point.
Monday
Motivation
Seven years ago I celebrated my first book, Dreamtini being published. I had a big book signing party. All of my family and close friends were there to help me celebrate. Today I reflect back on the hard work that went behind writing that book but in all actuality it wasn't actually hard work. It was me doing something that I am passionate about.
While writing that book I felt at peace with my self and the world. Actually the feeling that I felt while writing this book can't be put to words. The only feeling that has come close is giving birth to both of my lil guys.
Looking at this picture gives me the motivation that I need in order to move forward with my next ideas as well as what I am currently working on. With that being said, as I prepare to complete my next book, I keep this date in mind as well as the feeling of knowing that it is possible to see my words in print.
Sunday
Smiling
Have you ever experienced something or someone who makes you smile and you can't stop?
Have you experienced a feeling that made you smiled and you couldn't stop?
Ever felt a feeling that made you feel so good that made you smile and you couldn't stop smiling?
I've experinced something like that, I can't really put into words and I can't describe but I can say one thing for sure, it has made me smile and I can't stop smiling.
Writers Unblock
Just like many writers I often I experience writer's block. I get these moments where I Can't write then there are. moments when I can write and not stop. I get so many ideas in my head and I just want to write away but the writing ideas are for different things. When that happens I start a notebook for each idea so that when I sit down again I can just pick up that notebook and just flow.
I am on vacation and I have what I I like to call writers unblock. I just have a story in me that I want to tell and tell it until I'm finished. Luckily it's for a story that I've already started. I'm so thankful for this wonderful iPad so that I can get the thoughts out and get the story going.
I think I may be one of those writers who have to check themselves into a hotel room in order to complete whatever it is that I am working on.
Family
When it comes down to it there's nothing like family. I am currently at my family reunion and I'm amongst my family and I'm enjoying myself.
The last time I was here in Alabama was 2008 and I had np children. Here it is 2014 and I'm here with my two lil guys. One will actually be turning 3 while he is down here. I thought when we got here they would want to go home but they are adament about being here on vacation.
Since being down here I didn't realize how much I've missed them and being down here. They say that your cousins are your first friends and you know what they are so right.
So as I sit here and look around, I'm going to keep smiling and make memories and remience on the old. Listen and laugh to the older cousins as they talk about back in the day.
There shol ain't nothin like family.
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